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Lonely days hung on Jack's shoulders as he walked along the ridges of sand. They were only about two foot deep. The rocky terrain hidden underneath didn't lend to huge dunes. Those resided in the deep desert out in the crater where the massive Rockgrinders roamed. The gait of his stride had been slowing over the last mile and cool beads of sweat ran down his brow, collecting in the bandana that covered his mouth and nose. He knew it wouldn't be long before he'd have to rest. The long thin form of his shadow flowed out in front of him as the sun settled in the northern quadrant, and Yon, the biggest of the two moons circling Kharm, caressed the sky with its majesty. He had little time to gaze at the wonder of the planet's uniqueness, though. Out in the Nar'chu region of Kharm, desert ruled, and being caught unaware of your surroundings would mean certain death.  

HIs spurs clanked as he walked. The rattling ching had been lulling him for nearly two miles at this point. Now and then, they'd ping in high resonance snapping Jack back from his dreams of barstools and maidens that dotted the planet's surface. Damn, that Vorlorean lizard! Why'd it have to get eaten? And of all things by Scarven worms. He cursed the death of his mount.

The heat wasn't terribly bad right now, but it was enough. Beads of sweat burrowed down his brow, tickling his forehead. He swiped it once to keep it from pooling into his eyes. The brimmed hat he wore settled across his vision, shading it. He was glad of that. It was a special order and a throwback from the days of humankind on Earth several hundred centuries ago. It had a wider brim across the front and a longer one at the back to shield his neck from the beating rays trying to scorch his shoulders right now. Though, the front brim shielded his eyes from sun, the implanted force visor kept his eyes from receiving any debris. He tugged slightly at the bandana clinging to his mouth. He'd pulled it smartly over his nose and face sometime ago. Small wisps of wind would blow the fine silt sand and ash into his face. Breathing neither was any good, especially the ash. It hailed from the Faarskar mountain range on the eastern edge of the Nar'chu region. There rested Proteon, the deadly Ashen Dragon.

Jack sighed, glad he wasn't any closer to that area, knowing himself and his mount would've been eaten. Yep, he'd been traversing the plains of Char'nuk for the last day. Sandy area, of course, but ripe with crystals. And crystals meant wealth. He'd already amassed a nice score over the past week. But now, he'd have to buy another ride. That would eat up a third of what he'd gathered so far. Jack tilted his head up straight, centering his gaze on the plain ahead.

Sweet Ma'chuk! An Aquos. His brain lit with relief. He thought one had been in this direction but couldn't be sure since his navigation gear and last haul disappeared with his ride. The overcoat duster he'd wrapped like a cloak around his upper body hid the remainder of what he carried. Jack shuffled over to the jutting outcrop of rock. poking above the sand. The two brawns growing next to the opening had shielded the cave from the sand with their massive leaves. He never understood how those trees could get such broad, thick vegetation in this region. But they did. Of course, they always grew next to an Aquos. He peered inside. He could rest here for at least a day easily, he thought. The small pool of water nestled deep in the back would keep him from thirst, and the small growth of Thorny Kraut right at the entrance would feed his stomach. Not a pleasant dish, but not deadly. Yet, maybe he could coax a Snax to his location with a portion of it and get some meat to go along with it.

Jack settled himself into the rock wall facing south. There the sun would hit first in the morning, despite the big leaves, warming his body and allow him access to the entrance much faster if predators honed in on his location. His blaster would deter them but not kill them. It served as a tool for mining the crystals mostly but would stun most creatures for an hour and humans for a day with a direct strike. Thankfully, it wouldn't ever run low on power. Nethicite crystals had the largest storage capacity of any crystal known so far.

He removed his coat. His Nethicite blaster, his canteen, and the Mythrillian katana heirloom known as Ba'aron hung from his shoulder harness. It was a relic from the Age of Landing, a time of Kharm's discovery and exploration. He rested the coat and katana against his preferred spot, and then moved toward the water with his canteen. A hiss in the very darkest nook at the back startled him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, little fella," Jack spoke slow and low, pulling his blaster. "I only want some water, my desert friend." The hissing creature circled toward the lighter side of the pool. Jack's blaster rested in his hand. The half-furred, half-scaled creature with a bone tail got closer—a Snax. Jack was surprised but happy he wouldn't have to bait one. The large rodent hissed again. Snax's weren't known for their bedside manner, and Jack was aware of their ferocious bite. It wouldn't kill, but boy, would it hurt. The snax lunged, baring its tiny fangs. Stepping back once, Jack twitched his hand upward, and searing light sprang forth. Stunned and limp, the creature fell at Jack's feet. His katana ended the beast. He couldn't let this meal get away. They were much tastier than the Thorny kraut.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 




Submitted: May 29, 2021

© Copyright 2025 A.K.Taylor. All rights reserved.

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Celtic-Scribe63

I like your descriptive text. not too heavy and gives a fast visual image to the reader.
jack seems to be a happy-go-lucky character.
I like how you just throw in world-building stuff, again without being too heavy, and introducing us to the differences between this world and ours. All in all, a very neat little package.

Sat, June 5th, 2021 12:57pm

Author
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Having written a full blown novel has helped a lot with learning how to deliver information in tight packages. Sometimes you need the fleeting images to make a more meaningful impact. I do intend to develop this story further. The tone to this narrative is a bit different than my other works as it has a bit more serious background that needs to evolve. My inspiration for it comes from several genres being brought together, hopefully for something really good and unique.

I wouldn't say Jack is happy-go-lucky but his mannerism is meant to be a bit off the cuff as it's referred to in some speech. Sort of a go with the flow type of character.

Incite: the phrase "See ya later, Space cowboy." was a line rolling in my head when I first thought up the idea. Also, the title is not set in stone. I'm currently trying to hash out a better title, though. Space Samurai is a tad to generic but it helps me focus my idea cause that's what my character is intended to be--a space samurai in cowboy garb.

Sat, June 5th, 2021 6:07pm

llywrch

At first read, you do a good job setting the scene. And based on later chapters, the mention of the dragon is significant. (Although it would be a nice touch if you could tie the dragon to the katana somehow, say have it vibrate as he thinks about the beast.) But I'm going to pick over details here.

First, I'm left with a feeling he is climbing over sand dunes--although sand dunes occupy only a small portion of deserts. My memory of having traveled thru the desert is that there is a lot of vegetation, although the plants are scraggly & unusual. (Not only cacti, but the bizarre-looking Welwitschia.) You need to note that not all deserts are empty of vegetation.
The paragraphs where you describe the "Aquos" & what he is carrying come across confused. You should move the sentence listing the blaster, canteen, & katana to where he takes off his overcoat.

IMHO, you should call it a duster, not an overcoat. (Yes, I am a Sergio Leone fan.)

I had a hard time picturing the "Aquos" -- unless you simply were looking for a fancy synonym for oasis or waterhole. Is it a rock formation with water at the bottom & some vegetation around it?

As I said, I'm picking over details. On the whole, this chapter works.

Sat, January 15th, 2022 8:15am

Author
Reply

Thanks for the read, IIywrch.

First of all the dragon and the katana are only remotely tied to each other at the moment. I'm working on a setup that brings their plot point together in a more profound way. But you do have me thinking about changing it up a little with that suggestion.

As for the sand dune feel you got, you're half right. I never mention any dunes. So, what would that really suggest to you about that desert? 1) It might not be massive enough to be populated by huge sand dunes. 2) The region of desert Jack is in has underlying rock. The dunes where he's at would only be about a foot deep, maybe two on a high wind cycle. Also, he wasn't in the deep desert of Nar'chu more of a medium region where rock quarries and Scarven worms inhabit. I'll have to map out my world a bit more to develop its detailed settings.

Moving on to vegetation. I am aware that deserts have more vegetation than I describe in my initial chapter. I was a touch more focused on character setup than scenery. So, I gave a brief glimpse of it rather than bog down the exposition with heavy scene description.

I'll give the gear listing scene another look. I may be able to make it more organic. Duster, yes! I thought it had another name but I didn't dig into the fashion enough to pull that one out. Thanks for that info. I had a vision just not the wording.

The Aquos. This beauty is a cave oasis, of sorts. In my vision of this formation, they are natural rock formations on Kharm, and they are more prevalent in the desert region. The caves are small mostly, rising up above ground level only several feet. Some can be bigger. Thorny Kraut is the main vegetation that grows near it with sprigs of other grasses and some small trees sometimes growing over or covering the opening. I didn't get into high detail with it because I wasn't sure how I wanted to describe it at the time. I've since worked out how they should be taken visually. They basically work by capturing moisture in the air and funneling it into a basin at the back. The basins are man-made mostly by the natives of Kharm.

Sat, January 15th, 2022 5:39am

serenetales

You create effective and evocative imagery with your descriptions. There was however one moment when I felt suddenly pulled out and that was right here:

"Yep, he'd been traversing the plains of Char'nuk for the last day."

That felt like an author insertion to me.

The worldbuilding elements were nice to, I particularly liked the bit about the Snax and Thorny Kraut (and that Snax apparently tastes better). For my personal tastes, you still hit me with a few too many worldbuilding elements at once (a bunch of places, planets, flora and fauna), I am not remembering all of those things right now. However, as the story progress and things will (hopefully) get repeated to the reader, I'm sure it will get easier to memorize.

Snax and Thorny Kraut probably were easy to remember because they were relevant to what the MC was doing, there was some interaction with the Snax, and you compared them to each other.

Fri, November 4th, 2022 6:46pm

Author
Reply

That phrase was meant to be a personal thought by the MC. It looks like I forgot to italicize it when converting it over to the site. It still reads as an insert of a certain degree, but it should be better read that way, I think.

And yeah, I do go into quite a bit of detail kinda quickly in this first chapter. Some of it will probably get repeated but not everything unless I decide to pull those elements around a bit. I'm trying to stay character driven with this more than scenic.

Thanks for the read and comment. Appreciate the fan and the shelving. I'll do my best to get back to this story in the near future been working on a major one for quite a while.

Fri, November 4th, 2022 2:32pm

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