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Chapter 3
Several hours had gone by as Jack wandered into Destiny's city limits. The squish in his boots had become his friend and enemy over the course of his trek. He couldn't wait to get the blasted things off and dried out. Sand and dust hung to the rest of his gear and clothing. A sand storm had caught him on the edges of Nar'chu just before leaving the desert. Thankfully, that area had only sand and none of Proteon's ash.
Jack's spurs chinked and tinged as he walked the streets heading toward the inn. Many vendors lined the perimeter of the road. Meats of various critters and creatures lined most stalls, but a few harbored assortments of cruciferous plants edible and delicious. The noxious fumes from a blacksmith's shop floated beyond the crowd. Jack kept his bandana up. He never liked that smell. And the way it mingled with the aromas from the food shops just about turned his stomach.
Murmurs and chattering buzzed in the atmosphere of Destiny's market. Insects hovered over everything; even the people huddled at the corners of buildings. Residents had long since quit trying to stop them. Instead, they offered a slush of rotting fungus in barrels to keep them from the food. It mostly worked. Larger bugs, like the Burial Flies, usually grabbed whatever they could carry and zoomed off. Sometimes a shopkeep would shoot one down to get the food back, but no one would ever buy the morsel if noticed. Burial Flies always vomited over anything they landed on. Not a pretty picture if you asked Jack. He'd seen it happen a time or two. Utterly disgusting, he shuddered, thinking about it again.
Alleys stayed in shadow, thanks to awnings from every building overlapping each other. It was mainly done to keep the residents cool during the Solar Days of Ma'chuk—a temporary time when the sun doesn't set. It happens twice a rotation. The native inhabitants say Ma'chuk holds the sun in its place to punish the dragon. The first Scientists found that it really happens because of a gravitational shift between Kharm and the two moons, Yon and Vardos. Jack hardly cared for either interpretation. He only wished to stay in the cool when it did.
Jack continued walking through the town, his eyes only shifting to see the various faces near him. Movement at the alley to his left suggested a fight about to break out. He quickened his pace. His spurs chinged with greater resonance, but the clatter of voices buried it. He couldn't get caught up in the fight right now. A rumor had circulated that his sword was part of a great bounty. Something to do with a prophesy and maybe saving Kharm from the reign of Proteon. He'd taken great care not to unsheath it around the masses in fear he'd have to destroy many lives to keep it in his family. Plus, bounty hunters are notorious for being killers rather than bargainers.
The inn was finally coming into sight. Shoulders bumped him as he weaved through the mass of a crowd at the Mining Depot trying to get their pay for their crystals. Jack huffed, miffed at his losses for the day.
"Damn, lizard," he swore under his breath. "Jack! Jack!" A familiar voice called his name through the crowd. Jack spun his head around, looking. A hand shot up along the edge of the group. Jack's eyes softened. Under his bandana, he smiled and moved over to greet his friend.
"Ey, yo, Stevey!" Jack nudged his friend on the shoulder as he dropped the bandana from his mouth. "What's been going on with ya?" Stevey smiled back, reciprocating the shoulder nudge. They both half hugged, slapping each other's back for added effect.
"Jack, you look like a dust crawler ate you and spat you back out." Stevey's light tenor voice twanged with one of Earth's old accents.
"Heh, I got caught in a sand-twirler on the way out of Nar'chu. Had to walk my way here from my claim."
"Holy Ma'chuk, what happened?"
"Lizard got eaten while I was on my way back out the cave. All I saw was the blood and debris left on the sand. All my gear and loot got sucked under with the Scarven, apparently. I searched around, hoping it spat it back out but no luck."
"Too bad, my friend. Did it set you back too much?"
"Nah, but the walk nearly killed me. Took a bath in an Aquos after that blasted dragon flew over me, then made my way 'ere." Jack noticed a hush of silence nearby. Some of the crowd heard his mention of the dragon. Whispers began swirling around. None who had seen the dragon up close had ever returned. Stevey noticed the stares.
"Let's go, mate. The natives are starting to talk. Me thinks a Swallow will do you some good—my treat."
"Yeah, I get the feeling I've just become a celebrity." Jack hunkered back under his bandana. Stevey hung his arm over Jack's shoulder closest to him as they turned to walk toward the inn.
"Did you really see that dragon up close, mate? This could get serious with the natives, you know." Stevey spoke more hushed than his usual self.
"Oh, I saw him." Jack kept his voice as low as possible. "The beast flew right over the Aquos I was resting in, chasing some shadow I couldn't track. I thought maybe Darters, but those things run super fast. I doubt he could keep up wit' 'em."
"Let's get to the inn," Stevey said. "We can catch up more privately there."
"Sure," Jack responded, glad to get moving again. His feet were becoming itchier by the minute. He'd have to treat them fiercely over the next couple of days from the excess moisture. Nothing like religion and some gossip to stir up some trouble. Fuck me for not thinking before talking. He wondered as he trudged along aside his friend. Ba'aron, what 'ave I got myself into now? The sword lightly thrummed against Jack's back as if responding to the thought.
Submitted: July 15, 2021
© Copyright 2025 A.K.Taylor. All rights reserved.
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G.P.Sharp
Loved the setup this chapter, particularly the bit about the Burial Flies and the local sun myth (thats the kind of worldbuilding I struggle with the most to make interesting, but yours flowed nicely and was entertaining).
Sat, December 25th, 2021 3:17amIt was also very refreshing to see Jack emote more and interact with someone this chapter.
I loved how he just breezed over the prophecy, like "oh yeah, my sword might be destined to destroy the dragon, anyway lets not show it off".
Nothing jumped at me especially this chapter for any suggestions, and nothing confused me either, though I will say Jack's dialogue caught me by surprise; I did not expect him to have such a "bro" like demeanor with his friends, particularly after chapter 1 (though that's less a criticism and more me just misreading a character).
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Appreciate the read, man. I haven't messed with this story in a little while, but I really want to make it a gem of a story. My inspiration for it is a little bit Fireflies(TV series) and Cowboy Bebop(the animation). My intention is to make the sword the crux of the story with Jack as the wielder. There's going to be some deep lore tied to the sword, and I'm already laying the groundwork for it in this chapter.
Fri, December 24th, 2021 7:50pmJack is fully aware of the sword's importance, it's a family heirloom and a seriously strong weapon--stronger than he realizes yet. It holds a dark history. And that's all I'll say at this point. I've got the story halfway mapped out in my head just not on paper yet.
I'm learning to write the world building stuff by reading some of my old favorite fantasy stories like Lord of the Rings, Shannara, and I'm currently reading The Wheel of Time which has a lot of world building material to peruse over. Those stories are rather heavy-handed with it, and I love it but I don't want to bog down my readers with that much detail in one go. Adding snippets throughout the chapters either through dialogue or just a small flashback or scene details for backdrop can deepen the rabbit hole so to speak.
Tone and delivery with listening to Audible versions helps me envision smaller details sometimes. The natural pauses when a reader reads aloud bring emphasis to the overall setting.
That's why I like fantasy stories because if done well, they can immerse you for days, thinking about the intrigue, the lore, and the picturesque scenes. Not too mention awesome action sequences--chases, fights, dramatic events like landslides or something natural occurring. It really pulls the readers into the environment. Or at least it does for me. That's my goal as a writer is to get that good with it.