He arrived home, and there sat his mother and his brother in the living room. Michalis appeared involved watching TV, while Iulia had a day off and kept herself busy with the ironing.
“How was the appointment?” asked Iulia.
“It went well,” Christos replied and didn’t stay in the living room, but rather went to his room to deal with more memories.
He felt calm, and his calmness gave him clarity.
“I am sure the events with Emilia cost me dearly,” he thought, “but I don’t think the fear of rejection began with her.”
His train of thought continued, “I never had success with women,” he thought. “In high school or even in primary school. But from where should I begin?”
The Teacher's words came to his mind. “The private logic forms mostly during the first six years of our lives.”
He decided to scan that period of his childhood:
He must have been around five and they had been to a dress up birthday party of a child. He went with his brother and mother.
At the end of the party, the guests had the right to take a gift the parents of the house had prepared for them.
Christos found a present, but it wasn’t from those that were for the guests; it was one of the child's toys. He asked it from the mother of the celebrating child.
“Of course!” she said to him. “Of course you can have it if you want!”
Iulia then intervened, “No, he shouldn’t take it!” she said furious. “It isn’t right!”
Persisting that Christos should have the toy as a present, the mother of the child won, so Christos finally got it.
Upon returning home, Iulia said to young Christos, “This is the last time you do something like this!”
Little Christos felt guilty.
The consequences of this memory in his later life were that when Christos got the things that he claimed, he then felt guilty about it.
With the remembrance of this memory, Christos became angry, realizing that many times he didn’t make claims, fearing that claiming was a bad thing to do. One of the reasons he failed to speak to the girl at the beach just before his outburst, beyond his difficulty in communication was the fear of becoming guilty after claiming her. His previous calmness disappeared.
He tried to remove the guilt of this memory by saying that he didn’t intend to do something like that. The guilt disappeared, but he remained angry. Then another memory popped up into his mind:
When he was very little, around four, he often went to play to the home of a childhood friend.
“Never go there again without telling me!” his mother used to tell him every time he went.
Little Christos wouldn’t listen to her, until in the end, a night, while he visited his friend in his house, Iulia entered enraged and charged, in front of his friend and his family, hitting him so hard and manically, that little Christos thought that he would die.
Later, the rage and anger Christos felt were indescribable. He felt immense humiliation and shame, but he never dared to express these emotions.
The consequences from this memory was that he wasn’t allowed to experience joy without the permission of the authority, fearing a similar punishment.
With a stomach tied up like a knot, his face turned white from anger. “I cannot stay anymore inside,” he thought. “I must go out to get some fresh air!”
Getting out of the house, he headed towards the nearby forest. There he took some stones and started throwing them with force at the trees. Imagining the trees as his enemies, he made sure every throw would hit its target.
However, that didn’t suffice to defuse his anger. Taking a relatively large and sharp flint, he approached one of the trees and started attacking it in a berserk state, skinning its bark. Then, his enemies from imaginary and abstract, took the form of one and only person: that of Iulia!
“To hell with you!” he yelled and dealt a finishing blow so strong, that carved deeper the tree trunk than the previous ones hits did.
At that moment, his anger started to subside and he realized he became exhausted from this explosion.
He called the Teacher and told him his discoveries.
“These are important memories,” the Teacher said. Then added, “From what it seems Christos, the picture you have for women needs to change. You must remove the picture of your mommy.”
“What do you mean?”
“The picture you have for Iulia is the picture of a violent, cruel and authoritative woman. You this picture to every woman, and as such, you fear them and keep them at a distance!”
“This is what I did and repelled all the women around me and the result was that now I am twenty six and I haven’t even kissed a girl!” said Christos crying, with a voice steadily sounding rougher and louder.
“This is it Christos,” the Teacher urged him. “Shout and let it all out!”
“AAAHHHHHH!” Christos shouted, sounding similar to a wild animal from the depths of the jungle.
“Are you better now?” the Teacher asked.
“A little bit,” Christos said and then, trying to recover from emotional downfall, he asked, “What does projection mean in psychology, Teacher?”
"A projection,” said the Teacher cheerfully, “happens when we see characteristics or traits of another person in someone else.”
“And why is this important?”
“It is important,” he said, “because if we to somebody the picture of a person that we are angry with, then we treat the other in an angry way, something that is unfair; what is the connection between them? A physical or a character similarity doesn’t make the two individuals one and the same!”
Christos remembered when he worked in Iulias’ office a few days ago, where he got angry with that man who wore the same glasses as his father did, having no real issue with him. That was a clear projection of his father to that gentleman. “I imagine,” Christos said, “that people make projections all the time!”
The Teacher laughed. “You have no idea!” he said. “Everyone projects their mother and their father to everyone else!”
“Only those two?” asked Christos. “Isn’t it possible to be angry with another person? With a brother for example? Or with a lover?”
“Yes, it is possible, however the behavior that our brother or our mate have and makes us angry, has its origin from our parents!”
The Teacher moved on, “And as we said in our previous meeting, the child forms its fundamental worldview during its first six years. However, during that time, the child is completely and exclusively dependent at their mercy.”
Christos listened carefully.
“Every emotion the parent has,” said the Teacher, “be it joy, love, admiration, fear, anger, or sadness, is transfered to the child. The child on the other hand, being an emotional receiver, records these emotions. In few words, the ones responsible for the upbringing of children, good or bad, are the parents!”
Christos listened with great admiration Teacher's words. Many were the times in the past that he tried to find the source of his unhappiness, attributing it to tiredness, lack of experience, courses, his professor, lack of a girlfriend etc. But he never found the solution to his problems. Now he knew that the road to happiness laid in finding negative memories from his parents and family environment in general, and to the better.
“Anything else?” asked the Teacher.
“No-no!” replied Christos, who felt he had heard enough for one day.
“Okay then,” said the Teacher. “We will keep in touch! If you have anything new to talk about, don’t hesitate to call!”
“When will we have our next meeting?” Christos asked.
“Whenever you want, make a call and come!”
The telephone hung up.
“Nice stuff!” Christos thought and noticed that he had regained his calmness by talking to the Teacher. It benefitted him to make conversations with the Teacher, he knew it!
On his way home from the woods, he made a registration change of the last memory he recovered and thought that instead of sitting like a duck and getting beat up, he kept pushing his mother away, saying to her at the same time that she was a bad mother.
He returned to the living room, where Michalis and Iulia still sat. He watched TV, still feeling energized from his conversation with the Teacher.
Michalis and Iulia talked casually. Michalis tended to be rebellious against Iulia, as she expressed her opinions dogmatically.
“You are not right Michalis,” Iulia said, “regarding the vigilance of citizens. Citizens obey the laws!”
“While on the same time congressmen and politicians with their power violate them?” asked Michalis. “Are you serious?”
The energy and enthusiasm of Christos began to fade away and in their place a discomfort came.
“Here is a conflict,” Christos thought. “But what must I do? Which side should I pick?”
His discomfort was followed by a feeling of insecurity and fear as he wouldn’t dare cross any of them, since they always beat him in arguments.
“Very well,” Iulia continued, “when you fail in your life, then you will remember my words!”
Starting to laugh mockingly, and while still laughing, Michalis turned his head towards Christos.
Instinctively, Christos laughed the same way.
Iulia frowned a bit and then also laughed. “Very well!” she said. “Keep laughing!”
Finishing her work, she went to her room to store the freshly ironed clothes.
“Let me tell you,” said Michalis to Christos. “I will later go out with my friends. Would you like to join?”
Christos thought he needed to hang out. “Yeah, why not?” he answered with a question.
They prepared to go out. Normally, Christos should have been positive about this activity. However, he only felt a lack of freedom and volition.
Submitted: February 28, 2024
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