Chapter 24: (v.2) Fear, Here I Hold You! - Kelly's Game And Group Therapy

Reads: 78

The Christmas holidays swiftly drew to a close, and Christos regained his health. Although he grew stronger each day, Christos discovered that his jealousy and anger towards his brother lingered. Meanwhile, his brother continued to socialize with friends, leaving Christos at home, consumed by anger.

While he considered joining Michalis' friends to improve his communication skills, he hesitated due to his brother's presence. Christos felt overwhelmed by jealousy and worthlessness, especially around his brother, more so than with Nektarios.

To calm down, he frequently pounded his pillows while screaming in rage.

Venting his rage cleared his mind, allowing his to study. Nevertheless, since in the past he did not feel satisfied with his performance, he asked the Teacher for some insight on the topic.

“You will study to the point when you begin to feel tired,” the Teacher said. “Then you will close the books and do something else!”

“But that way I won’t do enough work!” Christos replied. “I won’t cover all the reading material!”

“Christos,” the Teacher said, “from the moment we begin to feel tired, the additional exhaustion that comes piles up with a geometric rate. You will learn more things if you study for two hours giving yourself 100% to it, than six hours with only 10%.”

He adhered to the Teacher's advice to halt studying when fatigue crept in. Nevertheless, this method left him feeling insecure, casting doubt on his exam performance.

Then came the time for Christos to return to Thessaloniki. He traveled there, giving exams together with his insecurity and surprisingly for him, he passed all the modules with a good grade. This excited him because it meant achieving equal or better results with less study.

“The method you suggested had results!” Christos said excited on their next meeting.

“I am sure that this method played its part,” the Teacher replied, “however I believe there is something more that is relative to your case.”

“What exactly do you mean?”

“Our phobias,” the Teacher continued, “reduce our performance. Now that you drop away your fears, you will realize that not only studying will become easier but anything you set out to do!”

After a few more days, Christos felt calm and encouraged by his module success, which temporarily masked his fears with positivity.

The spring semester began, bringing Christos back together with his classmates. He remembered that he would participate in the self-knowledge group. His curiosity made him wonder what they would do in that group and what new he would discover for himself. A disquieting feeling however existed inside, fearing that the group members would reject him, considering him useless.

“In the group,” the Teacher pointed out one day before the first group meeting started, “we will play several self-knowledge games!”

“Is there a winner and a loser on these games?” Christos asked.

“Of course not!” the Teacher said laughing. “Our games have as only goal the knowledge of ones’ self and in no way, shape or form do they liken to any form of competition!”

Contrary to Christos’ expectations, the group not only accepted him but also welcomed him with joy. That made Christos later wonder, “Am I worth it in end?” But first, let’s see what happened at the meeting.

“We will now play a variation of George Kelly's REP game,” said the Teacher distributing blank pages to the members of the team.

The pages were distributed and then the Teacher said, “Write down a list of ten people that you know, preferably relatives or friends and number them from 1 to 10.”

The participants completed the task and so did Christos.

“Now divide these people into four subgroups. Group together 1, 4, 7, then 2, 5, 8, then 3, 6, 9 and finally 2, 6 and 10.”

The team members, including Christos finished doing so.

“Now, in each subgroup, try to find a characteristic that two of their members with have it positive and the last one negative, or visa-versa. For example, members 1 and 4 might be tall while 7 is short, or 1 and 4 are short and 7 is tall. However, this characteristic you are looking for is not a physical once, but rather something psychological, like a behavior.”

“What if we are not sure if a person has that trait we think it has?” asked Pinelopi.

“Then you still write it down,” the Teacher said without giving any further explanations.

At that point, we encourage the readers to attempt Kelly's game by themselves before they see the interpretation of Christos’ results, so that they can benefit themselves.

Christos found the character traits for the people he selected.

In subgroup 1, 4, 7 the traits he found were that two of them were accepting and one dismissive. Subgroup 2, 5, 8 consisted of two open-minded and one close-minded. Subgroup 3, 6, 9 of one outgoing and two shy. And finally, in subgroup 2, 6, 10 two were brave and one was a coward.

“And now,” the Teacher continued, “you will try to find which of those traits can be included in each other. You will do it for the positive traits and the negative traits. Find a word that includes the four positive traits and a word that includes the four negative traits that you found.”

In the next paragraph, we present Christos’ train of thought when he attempted to find the most dominant of the four traits for his case. It is important to note that these logical implications he made are not based necessarily on facts, but rather on how he perceived the world around him based on his experiences and knowledge. Based on his private logic.

“So,” Christos thought, “is a brave person also an accepting one? Not necessarily. Is the opposite true, that an accepting person is also brave? Well. . . yes, that happens to my knowledge more often. Now, is an open-minded person also accepting? Yes, I think that is the case. Hmm. . . I also believe that an accepting person is also usually open-minded. Those two traits have almost equal meaning for me. Finally, is an outgoing person also an accepting and open-minded one? It can happen, yes, but I think that an open-minded person happens to be more often an outgoing person than not. So, it seems that for the positive traits accepting is the most dominant one and consequently, for the negative traits dismissive should be the stronger one.”

When Christos’ turn came, he told the four pairs of traits to the group, together with which he thought the most dominant ones.

The Teacher concurred with Christos’ findings.

“So, what is the interpretation of this game?” asked Christos full of curiosity. “That I want to be accepting? Just that?”

“No,” the Teacher replied addressing to the whole group. “It means a lot more!” He proceeded, “When we are in a normal emotional state and to the degree we are at that state, we function with our positive traits. When on the other hand we are threatened (frightened, hurt, angry), and to the degree that we are threatened, we function with our negative traits.”

The Teacher then asked the whole group, “The traits that you found, do they bring in mind a person that has them?”

“No,” the group uniformly replied.

“Do they happen to bring the image of yourself?” asked then the Teacher. “Could they be your traits?”

Only silence could be heard. Then, one member after the other admitted that indeed those were their own personality traits.

Continuing, the Teacher asked, “Where did you all acquire these traits, considering humans are said to be born tabula rasa?”

Again, silence filled the room.

“Could it be that these traits belong to your parents and you simply copied them?” asked the Teacher.

Most of the team members seemed to be astonished from this interpretation.

“What is the importance of the traits that we extracted,” asked Christos, “apart from the fact that they were given from our father and mother?”

“The importance of this game, Christos, is that the traits you find in other people are your own traits. You see in others what is yours. The rest of what they have leaves you indifferent.”

“I understand,” said Christos after realizing that the Teacher was right.

“There is also a second significance to this game,” the Teacher added. “Sometimes a trait we might find could be our existential fear. Usually that characteristic makes a lot of sense to us.”

For Christos, of the four trairs, dismissive seemed the most dominant and resonant.

“Does that mean that being dismissive is my existential fear?” asked Christos.

“Is being dismissive worse than ridicule, for you?” asked the Teacher.

“No,” Christos replied.

“So, your existential fear is not being dismissive,” the Teacher said. “We remain to our hypothesis for ridicule for now.”

The team meeting wrapped up shortly after.

“Wait a moment Christos, don’t leave yet,” said the Teacher. “I want to give you something.”

Upon going to his office, the Teacher returned with a transparent tumblestone in his hand. “This,” he said, “is quartz.”

“Thank you, Mr. Teacher,” Christos replied, “it is very beautiful.”

“A quartz crystal has energy,” the Teacher added. “It will help you face your fears.”

“But how?”

“You will always keep it with you, like a pendant. When you need its power, you will hold it in your hand and squeeze it. You will say, “Fear, here I hold you!” and you will do what you fear to do! Having embraced your fear, you will move forward in life!”

“I understand,” Christos replied, “I will give it a try!”

Submitted: April 05, 2024

Literary Fiction romance therapy psychology counselling personal-development