Chapter 33: (v.2) Winter Depression - Creating Your Own Opportunities - A Memory Of Group Rejection

Reads: 84

A few weeks passed, and the time for Christmas drew nearer. Christos returned to Aleksandroupoli on the 15^th of December, earlier than usual since he had no lectures to attend.

Regarding his family, he decided not to prioritize them, even though sometimes they verbally attacked him. This resulted in Christos losing his balance, but after some conversation with the Teacher, he managed to regain it.

"Same old, same old,” the Teacher said. “They don’t change!”

"You are right,” Christos would reply, “I’ll try not to give them any more importance.”

However, that didn't seem to be one of the easiest tasks since all the people from his social circle were not around, so, it looked like these Christsmas vacations would be spent with him and his family.

Being in contact with his family members, together with the lack of people to hang out with and the bad weather, led him to a feeling he had long forgotten: Depression.

"I'm feeling unbelievable depression,” Christos said to the Teacher on the phone, “as if the sky has fallen on my head!”

"But there is sure something you could do,” the Teacher asked. “There must be! Take a walk outside by the harbor, move yourself! Get active! Don't allow impassiveness dominate you again!”

"I have no friends around and there are no opportunities in general these days!”

The Teacher then laughed, “It is time Christos you learned how to create opportunities yourself. When everyone seems to have disappeared, you should try to reach them out yourself, so that you can escape your misery!” He continued, “As a start, you could try to sit in the coffee shops of Aleksandroupoli! You will have opportunities to meet known people or even make new friendships!”

"Yes, but I think it will be difficult to find opportunities!”

"Difficult but not impossible!” the Teacher said.

"I see no reason to do this!” Christos said.

"Don't question me!” the Teacher said strictly. “The reason you don't find reasons to do this is due to the point of view you see thing, and since it is filtered by depression you feel that all is in vain!” He then went on, “Change your point of view, Christos! Use your reasoning! Maybe this will help; If you go and sit in a coffee shop, it is more probable to meet a new person than if you stay in your house!”

Hearing these words, Christos felt a cloud leaving from the top of his head, “You are right!” he said. “But what was I saying before? I'll just wear my jacket and off I go!”

"Go then!” said the Teacher cheerily. “Go with my blessings!”

Upon hanging up the phone and getting ready to go out, the words of the Teacher came to Christos' mind: “Don't question me!”

"But I'm not questioning him!” Christos thought and got angry. “Or maybe I am and don't realize it?” he then wondered but decided not to concern himself with this issue for the time.

Being almost noon and due to the cold weather, the coffee shops were full of people. “There must be acquaintances sitting in one of the cafeterias,” Christos thought.

He guessed correctly. After searching for some time, he found some people that he knew sitting in a cafeteria. Christos then thought that it would have been a good idea to ask them if he could join them.

As he walked towards their table, a sudden and acute fear started to take him. He grabbed the quartz crystal to cast away his fear, thinking that he knew the thing that frightened him. “It must be my existential fear working insidiously,” he told himself and tried to approach further.

But then, a thought came out of nowhere, “And what if they don't want me in their company?”

That question made Christos lose his determination and turn around and leave, losing this battle with his fear.

Upon returning home, he looked at his crystal, wondering about the source of this thought, as he had never before wondered if he would be unwanted somewhere. Surely, the picture of his father avoiding people played its part, but Christos felt that something else was at work there.

A memory zapped into his mind:

He hung out with kids from his neighborhood in the center of Aleksandroupoli and with one of them, he constantly competed with.

At one moment, Christos said a swearing word, to show off, stealing the role of his rival.

The kid with who he fought started to swear at him and said: “Leave, we don't want you around!” and then Christos felt rejected and left the group.

He immediately called the Teacher and told him the memory, “So, that kid decided for the rest of the group?” the Teacher asked. “What did the other kids say?”

"The rest did not involve themselves, they had no quarrels with me!”

"So, the expression, 'Leave, we don't want you around!' is an exaggeration,” the Teacher said. “Only didn't like to be in your presence, not the whole group.”

"However, I sense that the consequences of this memory were that I am unwanted to others.”

"You must have had a certain behavior to become unwanted that moment!”

"Yes, I wanted to show off!”

"The kid you fought with, did he also like to show off?”

"Yes, he also used to show off and be a smartass!”

"He wanted to be special, Christos,” the Teacher laughed, “just as you wanted to! In a group of people, two guys who like to draw attention don't usually fit! But I wonder, was your rivalry only around who would look smarter?”

"No,” Christos replied, “he also wanted the same girl as I did!”

Laughing even louder, the Teacher said, “Well, you see? He had a reason to reject you, Christos! He felt threatened from the case of you getting the girl!”

"It didn't happen like that,” Christos said, “he became her boyfriend in the end. But, if others are threatened by me, that is for sure an indication that I have worth.”

"This is an indication, as well as many others,” the Teacher said.

"Which?” asked Christos.

"The fact that you have made such progress!”

"But I still have a long way ahead, I assume,” Christos replied.

"Self-development is a process that never ends!” the Teacher said.

"When will I have reached at a satisfactory level of self-development?”

"When you will no longer be afraid of irrational things,” the Teacher replied and the added, “Going back to the memory we just found, other people reject when they are threatened and they have no reason to do so, unless they are provoked or they have their own problems! You should keep that in mind now that you make your move to become even more socialized.”

"Right, I will keep that in mind,” Christos agreed.

***

Christos did a registration change to the previous memory (Ch. 33 this chapter yey!), thinking that if his rival didn’t like Christos showing off it was clearly his problem, and he had no reason to leave whatsoever, and neither he did. So, he felt calm and found acceptance from the other group members.

Having this change in registration been put into effect, Christos tried again to find a group of acquaintances and join them.

The fear of being unwanted returned once more, but by touching the crystal and knowing what made him afraid, he approached some people he knew, greeted, and then asked, “Can I sit with you guys?”

He thought that since he asked, if they didn’t really want him, they would have found an excuse for him not join them, something like, “oh, but we were leaving now,” or “there is no place for you to sit,” in the case there was not enough space. On the other hand, if they didn’t want him to join them and said yes, then it would have been their problem; they should have been more sincere.

The guys that saw him initially looked surprised with his suggestion, but then they said amiably, “Sure, have a sit and tell us what’s new!”

Their conversations regarded political issues, gossips, jokes and other everyday life events, and Christos enjoyed the conversation, having a fun pass time.

"Congratulations for your success!” the Teacher said. “Keep going like that, and you will eventually erase completely that last remembrance we found!” Then he continued, “Just to let you know, generally the people we hang out with are divided into three categories: People with whom we talk about everyday stuff, people that like to group and flirt the opposite sex and finally people where we share our innermost thoughts. The group of people you found belonged to the first category.

"I guess I need to get experience from all three categories to find balance. . .” Christos said.

"Yes, you have a point there,” the Teacher said, “but don’t be discouraged by that. You made significant progress and I would suggest you continue to hang out with them, to improve your communication skills!”

"Roger that!” Christos agreed.

Christos found out where that specific group of people hang out to and he would often meet them there when he made a break from his dissertation.

The Christmas vacations were over, and Christos returned to Thessaloniki and met his supervisor. The supervisor told him that the progress went good, but urged him to speed up his pace, as the deadline started to approach on the horizon. He suggested that he should go to a quiet place, where he could study without being disturbed.

Thinking that apart from seeing the Teacher, Thessaloniki made him tense, Christos thought that it would maybe have been better to return to Aleksandroupoli to study without distractions.

"I have a better calm when I am in Aleksandroupoli,” said Christos, “and calmness is exactly what I need!”

"The calmness you have there is based on external circumstances,” the Teacher said, “it is not calmness. If the circumstances changes, so will your calm. Here, you might not feel tranquil, but at least you can see what causes you tension. And on top of this, you have me!”

"You are right and I thank you for this,” Christos said, “but I feel that Thessaloniki has tired me out and I would like for this time period at least to find peace, even if it is fragile.”

"Okay then,” the Teacher said, “you should come to Thessaloniki at least once or twice a month so that we continue the meetings!”

"That goes without saying!” Christos said, “That is what I intended to do!”

"I wish you a pleasant time at Aleksandroupoli then!”

Submitted: April 12, 2024

Literary Fiction romance therapy psychology counselling personal-development