Chapter 34: (v.2) Computers, Competition, and the Joy Of Giving!

Life in Aleksandroupoli followed a slower pace, maybe more than he wished for; however, that gave Christos the time he needed to work on his dissertation.

From time to time he would meet the guys who hang out to the cafeteria, which would be a good time off his studying as well as practice to improve his communication.

But, the cold weather, in combination with too much work, led Christos to increase the time he spent on a childhood activity: Computers.

Many times as a kid, he would play computer games for hours.

Now with the broadband they had at home, Christos discovered online games where you only won when you came at the first place.

Some days he would end up staying until four in the morning, losing track of time and waking up feeling exhausted.

He didn’t contact the Teacher for some time, until one day, he received a message on his mobile phone, “Christos, is everything going alright?”

Seeing that the Teacher sent him this message, Christos smelled trouble.

“Christos, are you okay?” the Teacher asked on the phone.

“Eh, you see,” he replied, feeling a bit awkward, “I must have taken my dissertation too seriously, I guess. . .”

“Oh, alright then,” the Teacher replied. “However, your parents called me last night!”

“They did?” Christos asked, “what did they say?”

“They told me that you walk at night in the house at 4 a.m. and that you slam the doors!”

“Yes, the truth is that I have some tension with the dissertation and it seems that I release my anger to the doors without realizing it!”

“Is there something else that you hide from me, Christos?” the Teacher asked. “You sound a bit down. How’s your social life going?”

“I have reduced the times I go out, but I still meet the people I hang out with.”

“That is good,” the Teacher said. “Good, since everything is okay, I will let you continue with your work!”

Catching the Teacher just before he hung up, Christos said, “No, wait! There is something that worries me!”

“And what is that thing?”

Christos told the Teacher his intense involvement with computers, with the games and how much those affected him emotionally.

“How many hours you play games you said?”

“Days!”

“Days?” the Teacher asked, worried. “You are telling me that you sit day and night on the computer and play games?”

“Sometimes it happens, yes,” said Christos, “ever since I was little I remember sitting on the computer and playing, but now with the dissertation, I think I do it to relax a bit.”

“Christos,” the Teacher with strict tone, “if you keep going like this with the computers, I see you becoming like those spastics that end up in institutions!”

Being terrified from what he heard, Christos asked, “But is what I do that dangerous?”

“It is that dangerous, and even more!”

“And what should I do then?” Christos asked. “How will I stop this habit?”

“You will stop using computer games cold blood for a long time period, until the cause that leads you to play computers is gone!”

“And what is the cause?”

“It depends on the context of the games that you play.”

“They are games that you win when you become number one!”

“Competitive games then, you want to always to be first!”

“Is that a bad thing?” asked Christos annoyed.

“Does it seem like a good thing to you?” asked the Teacher. “What is your emotion when you try to win?”

“I get angry because I do something that exhausts me!” said Christos.

“See? You compulsively want to be number one, that is why you get tired!”

“Okay, I will stop gaming and computer usage!”

“You do that immediately!” the Teacher said.

Although he became angry with the Teacher's tone, Christos obeyed that command, because he knew that it was the right thing to do.

Three days passed, during which Christos didn’t even touch his computer. Abstaining from computers gave him a big headache, something that made him suspect that he had been addicted to computers without realizing it. The fourth day the symptoms of withdrawal started to recede, and he called the Teacher.

“What did you do?” the Teacher asked. “Did you stop playing games?”

“So far everything looks good,” Christos said, “I didn’t slam again the doors at night and I feel a lot better. It is as if a fog left my mind. The first three days I suffered from a major headache, but now I am fine.”

“This is far from over,” the Teacher stated, “that headache you had was pure withdrawal. One needs a long time to get over and addiction!”

“How much time will I need?” asked Christos.

“Let’s see how you will feel six months from without using computers!”

“Six months?” asked Christos terrified, “but I need the computer to write in my dissertation!”

“Then you will use it with moderation, and only to write your thesis!”

“Okay, I will do that!” said Christos. “But, I still have many questions regarding the topic of being first, as well as some memories from my childhood to discuss.”

“Bring it on!” the Teacher said.

“I remember playing computer games when I was young and I always used swear words when I lost!”

“That only confirms your anger now, however is there any memory with your parents asking you to be number one, or praising for reaching that place?”

Christos thought about it for a while and then said, “I think that my parents always wanted from me to achieve high grades and be a student.”

“How good did they want you to be?”

“One of the best! They wished that I stood out from the crowd!”

“And what happened when you didn’t stand out from the crowd?”

“I remembered a memory we found in one of our previous meetings (Ch. 21): the year that my grades in high school were not that good. Coincidentally, my father entered the hospital that day being sick the day the I received my grades. My mother held me responsible for my father's condition!”

“Meaning: When you don’t stand out from the crowd, the people that are close to you become sick and feel guilty. If we consider the fourth mode of human behaviorwhen you don’t stand out from the crowd, you become sick yourself. You were on the right track of becoming sick, playing so many hours with the computer!”

“That means I tried to verify my fear!” Christos ascertained.

The Teacher said, “Exactly! It’s guilt, Christos! Drop the bag from your back!”

“Alright!” said Christos. “I will drop it!” Then he said, “Generally, my father demanded me to be consistent with my obligations.”

“And what did he do when you were not?” asked the Teacher.

“He didn’t talk to me for days!”

“That is called cutting of communication,” said the Teacher. “It is what you did to me all this time!”

“But I had work to do!”

“Stop the excuses, Christos," said the Teacher, “there is no chance for me to misunderstand you. I just highlight your behaviour, so that you see what you do to yourself!”

“Didn’t I cut communication to myself as well these days?” asked Christos. “I mean, sitting for so long at the computer? All these days I had in my mind occupied with being first and didn’t consider my feelings at all.”

“What you say is correct, Christos,” the Teacher said, “but I think it would be good when you feel the urge to cut communication again to be more conscious.”

“And how is that going to happen?”

“By realizing that stopping communication doesn’t solve anything, but only makes things worse!”

“I think you are right here,” Christos said, “I agree with you. But I still have questions.”

“That’s why we are here,” the Teacher laughed.

“In life there a lot of occupations that have competition, but at the same time they make the individual grow. How can I learn to focus on the growth part and not on how to be first?”

“You will simply focus on having a good time when you are involved with your current activity, not giving importance to the outcome.”

“Yes, I think I know what you mean. It is like the poem of Kavafis, Ithaka, where it is meant that the destination is not important, but the journey itself!”

“Exactly!” the Teacher said excited. “It is not the accomplishment of a goal that makes us grow, but the process towards that completion!”

A few moments of silence passed and then the Teacher asked, “Anything else?”

“Yes, I have one more question to make,” Christos replied. “Or maybe it is something like an observation.”

“I’m listening!”

“I noticed that while I played computer games, I constantly made comparisons with other online players and I always felt that I wasn’t good enough, always someone better existed than me. That stressed me to an unbelievable degree, to have the burden to be better than everyone!”

“Comparisons show that someone is better or worse from the other,” the Teacher said. “Nevertheless, apart from the process of comparison, which essentially is criticism, there is the process of choice. For example, I compare two people or two things in general to choose which is the better one for me.”

“The comparisons I made with the computer games resulted in competition,” Christos said. “I kept asking for the first place.”

“That is exactly the case,” the Teacher agreed. “That explains why you tended towards isolation.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Generally, when we compare ourselves with the others and find ourselves lesser, the result is isolation!”

“That reminds me of something,” Christos said meaning himself.

The Teacher laughed.

“Yet,” Christos asked, “is it not possible to define people's worth depending on how good they perform with something?”

“No, I disagree,” the Teacher said, “we cannot determine a person's worth on how good they performs on an activity. We may say that someone is better from the others in tennis, for example. But, that someone could be short and the others tall!”

“But being tall isn’t necessarily a plus!”

“For you perhaps,” the Teacher said, “however a different person might consider height to be the most important thing in the world!”

“Are you saying that what we consider as important is something that is relevant?”

“That, and that to compare two humans is like comparing a cube with a sponge. Two different individuals are two completely dissimilar things. They cannot be compared. If the one is better at one aspect, the other one is better at another.”

“I think I understand. Only the different memories each one of us has, make us completely different by themselves!”

“Good observation! See that you make your own correct conclusions? You are worth it!”

“Thanks!”

“Friends don’t need to thank each other Christos!”

“Okay, then I don’t thank you,” said Christos joking.

They both laughed and then, the Teacher said, still laughing, “Christos, you turned out to be a little stingy I think!”

After they finished their meeting, Christos set as a long term goal to cut off computers, and that gave him strength. However, the Teacher naming him stingy made him angry and troubled him for many days.

***

A few more days passed, and Christos stabilized his abstinence from computers. This resulted in his parents becoming calmer and also being calmer himself, as reaching the first place did not concern him anymore. He also found more time to socialize.

And that benefited him because it gave him the energy and will to proceed with his dissertation. It would be soon when he would have finished his research and travel to Thessaloniki to present his work to his supervisor.

Through his social contacts, Christos also met a girl, Maria. That girl, about three years younger than him, seemed to be friendly enough with him. They went a few times for coffee and communicated very well, as this girl talked a lot and knew how to keep up a conversation, helping Christos who lacked in skill.

Maria looked beautiful to the eyes of Christos, but something on her left him indifferent, or at least that what he thought. “The girl is not erotic enough!” was one of his thoughts.

On the other hand, Christos also thought the girl could be faithful as a rock and he became indifferent with her to verify his view that women rejected him. In the end, he didn’t make any move, due to his doubts.

The days passed, and sometime in the middle of February, Christos travelled to Thessaloniki to show his work to his professor.

He met the professor, made his presentation and everything went well. The professor was satisfied and he instructed him to begin typing his thesis.

Immediately after the meeting with the professor, Christos went to the Teacher, who waited to see him.

The reception did not fit Christos’ expectations. “Well, what do we have here, our Christos,” said the Teacher in a serious tone. “Come on in.”

They went to the Teacher's office.

“Didn’t I tell you to wear appropriate clothing when you make the presentation?” the Teacher said, staring at Christos’ dressing choice.

“Why?” asked Christos, “by wearing a sport uniform I felt more comfortable and had less stress!”

“Don’t question me!” the Teacher stressed with a voice that sounded very serious. “Whatever I say, I say it for a reason!”

“Isn’t it possible that you make mistakes from time to time?” asked Christos a bit annoyed.

“No, Christos,” the Teacher replied, “I am a god!”

That irritated Christos a lot and he really felt questioning everything the Teacher taught him. What did he mean when he declared himself a god? That he was superior to him in some way? But he himself initially said that they were equals.

Nevertheless, Christos did not continue arguing. “Who knows?” he thought. “I might be wrong.” He did feel spite for this though. “So, why should I have dressed with appropriate clothing when I did the presentation?” he finally asked.

“In your presentation and anywhere else it is good to be dressed decently,” the Teacher said.

“Why?” Christos asked.

“A person's dressing sends out an image. That image can be nice and decent, resulting to others giving you attention, or it can be like yours, dressed with rags, like every miser!”

“But I am not stingy!” Christos complained.

“Oh, really!” the Teacher laughed, “tell me then, with the people you hang out with in Aleksandroupoli and Thessaloniki, when was the last time you gave them a treat?”

“I have never done that. . .”

“Ahaha!” the Teacher laughed. “And you say that you are not stingy?”

“Well, I might not have enough money. . .”

“Stop excusing yourself Christos,” the Teacher said, “your parents have told me that they give you enough money so that you can live comfortably!”

“I see,” Christos said. “So I am stingy. So, what? Is that a bad thing?”

“Yes, of course it is!” the Teacher said. “There are two basic functions that we humans have: To take and to give.”

The Teacher went on, “When we only take and not give, in the end we explode.”

“What happens when we only give?” Christos asked.

“Then we become weathered down. The best thing to do is to give as much as we take. It is like breathing: you cannot only inhale or only exhale, you have to do both, otherwise you cannot live!”

“That sounds reasonable,” Christos said. “And how can I stop being stingy?”

“A good start would be to start buying drinks for your friends when you go out! So, little by little you will stop being an emotional miser as well!”

“But doesn’t stinginess involve only money?” Christos asked.

“Of course not!” the Teacher said. “Stinginess is about how much we give and take in general. And because we cannot take or give only material things in everyday life, but emotions as well, if we are stingy in money then we are also stingy with our emotions! Those two go together!”

“Oh, I see!” Christos said. “So that was why you called me a little stingy the other day!”

“Exactly for that!” the Teacher said. “You took back the thank you gave me! You didn’t lose a chance to take back what you gave!”

“Hahaha!” Christos laughed, “now that I think about it, it seems funny to me!”

“It is funny, Christos,” the Teacher replied, “and at the same time very serious. Remember that if you are stingy with others, then you must be stingy with yourself as well, and that means that you don’t enjoy your life as much as you want to!”

“You convinced me!” Christos said. “I will look into solving the problem!”

“That’s the spirit!” the Teacher said. “Keep going!”

“One more question I have,” Christos said. “With the clothing: If I dress better, will the girls look at me more?”

“Mostly the girls will look at you more!”

“Then what am I waiting for? Time to throw away these rags!”

***

Christos started to dress with modern clothes and follow the fashion, and discovered something he didn’t notice before: The image he gave out, also worked the other way around, because when he saw himself on the mirror elegantly dressed, his self-esteem improved.

He searched and found the reason of his stinginess and the result differed from his expectations: He always had the impression that when his father helped others, they exploited him for that. When he was little, that angered him a lot.

“So,” the Teacher said, “what this results to is: When I give, the others exploit this and I become a fool.”

“I feel something like that,” Christos said and then added, “I have also noticed that this opinion is widely spread within the Greek society.”

“Which one?”

“That the people who give are fools!”

“I haven’t noticed anything like that,” the Teacher said. “Maybe that is a common trait of the people you attract. Remember, we attract what is similar, not dissimilar!”

“That must also play its part,” Christos said, “but what can I do to escape this mentality?”

“A simple thing Christos,” said the Teacher, “when you give, you will try to feel the joy of giving!”

“Is there joy when a person gives?”

“Yes, of course there is! Because to make others happy is a fulfilling act! But you don’t know that because you haven’t tried it yet!”

The Teacher continued, “Regarding your father that you say he gives to others and is being exploited from them, he allows them to exploit him. Nobody can exploit us without our consent!”

“I think I get it,” Christos said, “it seems I am really messed up inside,” he said pouting his lips. “Lucky that I have a friend that helps me!”

“You are not the one to blame for this,” the Teacher said, “when we began our work you were only an infant, now. . .”

“Now what?”

“Now you are in your teens!”

“I am still not an adult?”

“No, you haven’t grown up yet!” the Teacher said. “You will reach emotional adulthood when you find a girlfriend, and sleep with her!”

“And why is that?”

“Because a human being really reaches adulthood when he or she makes love to his or her companion for the first time. Falling in love matures us.”

“But I have fallen in love before,” Christos disagreed.

“Yes, you have, but didn’t sleep with the girl you fell in love with!”

“Indeed,” Christos said and changed the topic, “How often will we communicate now? I mean, if I go to Aleksandroupoli to write my thesis. . .”

“Christos, I think you stayed in Aleksandroupoli long enough,” the Teacher said.

“You think so?” Christos asked.

“Yes,” the Teacher replied, “I let you stay in Aleksandroupoli, because you had a serious reason: to finish the research part of your dissertation.”

“Isn’t typing what I have researched also an important part?” Christos asked.

“It is, however writing a dissertation is done easier than researching it. I believe you can do that task in Thessaloniki also!”

“But I am not calm there,” Christos complained.

“No,” the Teacher said, “as I told you before, you lack inner calmness! That is why Thessaloniki stresses you out!”

“So, it would be good for me to stay and face what makes me tense,” Christos said.

“Exactly! And the most important part: we’ll see each other more often so you will develop faster!”

“Okay then,” Christos said, “even though I’ll miss the calmness I found in Aleksandroupoli, now we shall face new challenges, in Thessaloniki!”