Chapter 36: (v.2) Homophobia, Psychological Kung Fu, And A Gift Taken Back!

The Easter vacation ended, and by the end of April, Christos travelled back to Thessaloniki. He wouldn’t be alone however for very long, since he would accommodate Michalis for a few days, who had recently found a job in the city and had to look for a place to stay.

That event made Christos feel pressured and angry, as not only did he have to share his one-room flat, but he also had to share it with a person he didn’t get along well.

“In the army, you will live in cramped quarters with other individuals for a long time,” the Teacher said. “If you live now in your limited space with somebody else, that will prepare you fine for your military service. And since you don’t have a good relationship with your brother, maybe you'll have an opportunity to improve it now that Iulia won’t be around!”

Christos tried to improve his relationship as much as possible with Michalis, so when he returned from Athens and they first met, he attempted to hug him and kiss him in the cheeks, something that is very natural in Greek culture and society, and has nothing to do with homosexuality.

By pulling away and appearing disgusted, Michalis said, “Do I look like a girl to you?”

Being surprised and enraged by these words, and shutting the door with anger, Christos got out to have a walk so that he could calm down. “What’s with him?” he wondered confused and called the Teacher to discuss the event.

“Michalis might have homophobia,” the Teacher stated.

“What is homophobia?” asked Christos curiously.

“Homophobia," said the Teacher, "usually arises when parents hesitate to hug and kiss their same-sex offspring, fearing it might make them homosexual.”

The Teacher went on, “That happened with a friend, whose son lived on the margins of society, I asked him to hug his son and he denied with the fear of being misunderstood!”

“And my father,” Christos added, “did not hug us after a certain age, telling us that we had grown. I didn’t see it that he avoided to hug me out of fear!”

“His fear,” the Teacher said, “passed both to you and Michalis.”

“I must admit that I too am afraid to hug and kiss people of the same sex. How can I overcome this fear?”

“By doing what you are afraid of, to hug and kiss guys on the cheeks!”

“Fine then, I’ll apply that advice!”

After Michalis’ denial to accept his hug, Christos set a goal to improve his relationship with him. He calmed down, and when he returned to the flat, after apologizing for being so rough, he said, “What do you say we go for a coffee, Michalis?”

“Let’s go,” said Michalis a bit indifferent, who didn’t seem to be affected by Christos’ previous outburst.

They sat at a cafeteria at Aristotelous square, where they started talking about everyday things. When they exhausted the topic, Christos asked Michalis, “Michalis, are you happy with our parents?”

Frowning and replying with a significant delay, Michalis said, “No, I don’t have any complaints from them, everything is fine!”

Christos became surprised from that answer, as he believed that they would find some common ground. Michalis must have received the same teachings from their parents, he must have had similar phobias up to an extent. “Are you sure Michali?” Christos insisted. “Are you saying that all these years you know Petros and Iulia, there hasn’t been an entire incident where you felt you were wronged in your childhood?”

Michalis eyes sparkled with dazzling anger and stared at Christos sternly, as if he meant, “Watch what you’re doing! I am the older of the two!” Then, he said, “Yes, when we were kids, there were times where I got angry with our parents, but all these things occurred when we were children! Now we are adults!”

“What happened when we were little,” Christos said, “is still valid now. Only if we know ourselves can these things go away!” He then said, “For example, I do have complaints from our father, because he was never happy and from Iulia, because she was very authoritative and abrupt.” Having unfinished business with Michalis, Christos got angry and added, “I am angry with you as well, because you always wanted to be an authority figure to me (Ch. 14) and because you snitched me to mother, when I attempted to go to my friend and play without saying it to her! (Ch. 8).”

Upon hearing those words, Michalis became furious, almost out of control, but he didn’t express his anger. He sat on the table quiet, until after a few moments he said, “Fine, fine. Shall we go now?”

“Okay, let’s go,” Christos said and then thought, “Did I go too far?”

They didn’t speak to their way home and then Christos realized that ever since he could remember, while he and Michalis had the potential to team up and claim their rights together from their parents, Michalis always played nice with them so he could gain their favor. Christos became angry with that thought and said, “You go home if you will, I have to go to the university to ask my supervisor a few things!”

“Fine,” Michalis responded, who didn’t concern himself anymore about their previous conversation. Or at least that’s how it seemed to be.

Christos changed destination and called the Teacher, telling him all that happened.

“Since he is not willing to see things through, quit,” said the Teacher. “It seems your brother is also like your parents and that’s why he takes their side. Just be patient until he rents an apartment and leaves.”

“Okay, I’ll endure that as well!” Christos said.

“At least,” he later thought, “I will have the summer to finish my thesis and when Michalis leaves the flat, everything will be peaceful again!”

Next day he went to the university to meet his supervisor and to Christos’ astonishment, when the professor saw his work, he became very unsatisfied with the progress. “I have to leave in the end of June to go to Germany,” he told him. “I’ll return January next year. You should finish everything before I leave!”

“But I have already stopped my military postponement!” Christos complained to his supervisor. “If I don’t make it till the end of June, then I enter the army and I won’t be able to finish on time!”

“Oh, and what can I do?” the professor asked. “I guess that you’ll have to run a lot faster if you want to get your degree!”

“A misunderstanding,” Christos thought as he left the supervisor's office and as he headed towards his flat, he called the Teacher.

“Do you think you can make it?” the Teacher asked.

“Maybe,” Christos said, “I have almost thirty days at my disposal to finish writing and to prepare the presentation!”

“Is that enough time?”

“No, I anticipated to finish by the end of summer. I thought that the supervisor would stay in Thessaloniki and so I could finish. But, if he leaves, I won’t be able to get my degree because he also must be present in the presentation of my thesis. And if I enter the army, who knows when and if I’ll be able to work on the dissertation! My pace must become faster than ever!”

“Then what are you waiting for, Christos?” the Teacher asked. “Begin! And if you need something, just make a call!”

The following days Christos typed, and typed and typed non-stop. But not without problems, as one day, Michalis started an issue, “I want to talk with my girlfriend on the computer,” he said to Christos angrily.

His girlfriend would stay in Athens for the whole of June, so only through Skype could they see each other. And at a very specific time, because she worked and they couldn’t talk earlier or later. Only that at that specific time, Christos worked with maximum pace and clarity. And there was only one computer in the flat.

“Can’t you see I’m very busy?” Christos shot back angrily. “If I don’t finish with my thesis, I won’t get my degree!”

“As if that’s a big deal!” said Michalis laughing. “As if what you do really matters! You crazy particle!”

“To hell with you!” shouted Christos and out of control left the flat, slamming the door as hard as he could. The door made a very loud “slam!” that shook the whole building. This time Christos would not apologize for his behavior.

He called the Teacher so they could talk, but that moment he wasn’t home. “This time I must find the solution myself,” Christos thought.

Trying to relax, Christos identified the roadblock to communication that Michalis used and made him so angry. Ignoring seemed to be the one, as Michalis ignored Christos’ need to finish his thesis on time.

Later, the Teacher called Christos and he told him the news. The Teacher agreed that Michalis wanted to do only what he wanted and ignored Christos’ needs.

“What will I do with that person?” Christos asked.

“Have you told Iulia what Michalis does to you?” the Teacher asked in his turn. “Maybe you should tell her what Michalis does, because if Michalis won’t listen to you, he will listen to Iulia if she scolds him!”

“I’ll make my attempt!” Christos said and after finishing his conversation with his Teacher, she called Iulia and told her Michalis’ demand, thinking that she would believe him.

“Oh, come on now Christos,” Iulia said, “Michalis is the best kid. He might be irritable, but deep inside he has a heart of gold! I’m sure you don’t have the best manners since you slammed the door to his face!”

“How do you know that?” asked Christos surprised.

“Michalis told me,” she said and then her tone became strict, “this is not a way to behave! All the residents in the building became startled with the noise you made! Michalis told me that the owner of the flat came and scolded him, because you woke them up early in the afternoon!” Then she added, “Do brothers ever fight?”

Feeling guilt after Iulia's preaching, Christos returned. Michalis was still there and smiled with the face of a winner when Christos entered in.

“Christos please try to be calmer next time!” Michalis said in a relatively relaxed tone.

With the guilt and psychological exhaustion, Christos fell to sleep and he told himself that maybe Michalis had a heart of gold after all, as Iulia said.

When he woke up the next day, he began working to his thesis and continued to keep up his fast pace. He then reached a very critical point in his thesis where he had to decide whether he would keep or throw away a whole chapter. At that moment, Michalis scheduled to chat with his girlfriend.

“Get up,” Michalis ordered. “I want to talk to Anna.”

“Yes sir!” Christos said following the Teacher's advice for dealing with ordering, however even though he hoped that Michalis would understand his actions, he couldn't care less at that point.

Christos sat on the other side of the flat and scanned through a draft of his work, in order to decide whether he wanted to keep the chapter or not.

Then Michalis entered on Skype, but didn’t make the video call to his girlfriend but instead stared at Christos annoyed. “Leave the house now!” he told him angrily.

“What for?” Christos asked quite annoyed.

“I don’t want to speak in front of you with Anna,” he said.

“I don’t even care for what you yourself are doing,” Christos said indifferent, “let alone what you do with Anna. You can speak freely!”

“Get the hell out! Did you not listen to what I said?” Michalis shouted.

“Are the things you have to say so secretive?” shouted Christos as well. “I can put my headphones and listen to music, so I won’t hear anything, if it bothers you so much!”

“I don’t care!” Michalis continued having the same tone. “I want to be alone when I speak with Anna!”

“He ignores my needs again,” thought Christos, “but I wonder, does he really know how important is for me to finish my masters degree on time? Maybe I should try a confronting I-message to him.”

“Michalis,” he said, “do you know that when you speak with Anna, you do it at a time where I am at my peak performance for the day and that when I get up for you to do so, I get extremely stressed because I fear I will enter the army without having finished my thesis on time? Do you know how important it is for me to get my degree and that I only have a few weeks to be done with it?”

“It’s not a big issue!” Michalis said and made a whistling sound with his lips. “So many people do their military service without having finished their studies! And if you don’t make it, so what?”

“Alright then, no problem!” said Christos ironically. “I’ll go to see a theatre play today! Time to. . . chill out!!!” Without saying any other word, he got out of the flat and called his Teacher to discuss the matter.

“He completely ignores your needs,” the Teacher said, “that is why you become mad.” Then he asked, “Did you tell Iulia about it?”

“Yes, I told her everything but she said that he has a heart of gold and that I should tolerate him. “Do brothers ever fight?” she stressed!”

“If they fight?” the Teacher said. “Sometimes they kill each other! What does your father tell you? Have you talked to him about Michalis?”

“Not yet!”

“Talk to him, tell him what Michalis does!” said the Teacher. “Claim your rights!”

Christos called Petros, but he also babbled the same things Iulia said, as if there was a tape recorder playing the same cassette.

“My father also says the same and takes Iulia's part,” Christos said to the Teacher later. “And I who thought that deep inside he took my part!”

“He doesn’t stand by your side due to his fear of Iulia. . .”

“A fail then,” Christos said. “Now I don’t even know if I’ll make it with all the things that happened! What else remains to do?”

“Christos,” the Teacher said, “from what it seems, Michalis plays the good boy and takes your mother's side, and therefore your father's side as well. Since you can’t find justice with words alone, I have only one thing to suggest!”

“What?” asked Christos surprised. “Are you going to tell me to crash my brother's skull for real this time?”

“No,” the Teacher replied, “although Michalis is asking for it. I, on the other hand, would suggest you bought a new computer to do your work!”

“But, how?” Christos asked.

“You have a credit card, don’t you?” asked the Teacher.

"Yes, I do," Christos said.

“Use it then!”

“Without my parents knowing?”

“You don’t have any other choice and you are running out of time!”

“Wouldn't that be disobedience?” asked Christos.

“Did you ask them a new computer before?”

“No!”

“Good, you can buy it, saying to them that you were in a hurry, and if they complain you can tell them that you thought they would agree with you. . .”

“But that’s indecent!”

“While your family is so innocent. . .” the Teacher said.

“Well, I’ll give you that,” Christos admitted, “they always told me in the past that they had no money, but it is well known that I don’t have money works extremely well as an excuse!”

“Since they are being unfair, you need to prove them wrong with your own arguments and by doing what benefits you.

At the bottom of this, you're not doing anything against your family. What you do will help you get your degree, which is growth for the family! At the same time, Michalis will be able to talk to his girlfriend, solving the problem!”

“Regarding Michalis, I suffered with the thought that he had so many relationships in the past while I had none!”

“Don’t feel like that,” the Teacher said. “By being jealous you falsely believe that the others are better than you and you reject yourself! Stop this now!”

“Alright, I will do that!” Christos said. “I think I’m going to buy the computer right now!”

“You want me to join you, just for the company?” the Teacher asked.

“Sure, why not?”

So, Christos and the Teacher met and they went to a multimedia store to buy the new computer. After having a nice time together by being a laptop as a choice, they headed towards their homes.

As he walked to his flat, Christos thought joyfully, “Wow, I have a new computer, I will do my work and everything is solved now!” However, upon walking to the door of his flat and still carrying the new computer with his hands, he heard Michalis speaking in his phone.

“You might give him money,” he said, “but he goes and spends it all to theatre plays and clubs the whole time! He doesn’t work on his thesis!”

That last outrageous lie made the glass overflow, and Christos, forgetting that they solved the problem and not being able to hold his anger anymore, opened the door, dropped the laptop on the floor and ran towards Michalis. He instinctively charged jumping in the air while still maintaining his velocity.

Sitting on the chair and still talking to the phone, probably to Iulia, Michalis turned his head towards the door, but the only thing he managed to see was a dark figure floating above his head.

Christos pushed Michalis with his hands and the momentum threw them both colliding to the floor. They fought for a while, two bodies appearing as one, but at one moment, Christos managed to get on top of Michalis.

“You fucking bastard!” Christos shouted, punching Michalis repeatedly, some hits finding his chest and some his face. Then, he managed to give one solid punch that found Michalis in the eye.

Michalis screamed from that hit and that made Christos realize what he did. Immediately, he stopped attacking Michalis, got up, put the fallen chair on its place and sat on it. It took him some moments that seemed like an eternity before he could completely regain his control, but eventually he did.

Christos saw Michalis’ mobile phone on floor. It fell from Michalis’ hands when Christos attacked him, and it broke. So, whoever Michalis spoke to, didn’t listen to their fight.

Michalis slowly rose from the floor, trying to recover from the outburst of Christos. His left eye bruised from that last punch of his brother. He went to see himself to the mirror and by seeing his eye he became furious and told Christos, “I’m going to tell them everything you piece of shit! You will see!”

At that moment, Christos started to truly realize what he did. He never again had lost his temper so much to rely on brute force and felt scared about what would the consequences be. His brother now only needed to say this incident to their parents so they would punish Christos and he would gain more benefits from them.

The landline phone rang. It must have been the person Michalis talked to before Christos attacked him. Being closer to him, Michalis reached the phone first: “Hello?” he said.

“What happened?” the voice of Iulia could clearly be heard. “I heard a loud scream and then the line was cut. Is everything alright?”

Michalis looked towards Christos with flaming anger in his eyes. One eye being white and the other black, good and evil, what would Michalis choose to do? Lie or say the truth?

Several moments passed and then Michalis finally said, “Oh, the phone fell off my hands and broke. I think I’ll have to buy a new one!”

“Oh, I see! What were we saying before?” Iulia asked.

“If it is okay with you, we can talk about it some other time! I’m feeling a bit tired now!”

“Oh, okay! Rest well honey! Bye!”

“Bye.”

Michalis put the phone on its base and looked at Christos.

“I’m really sorry for what I did!” Christos said almost crying.

“Never mind that. . .” Michalis said. “The mark from the bruise will be gone in a few days. . .”

“Are we okay then?”

“Yes, we are okay!” Michalis said and then huffed.

“I think I need to take some fresh air,” Christos said and left the flat again. He called the Teacher and talked about the event.

“Wow,” the Teacher said surprised, “luckily for you and your brother it ended with only a bruised eye! From what you described me, this could have turned a lot worse!”

“Like what?” Christos asked.

“Like sending someone to the hospital, or even worse like killing somebody!”

“I know I messed up,” Christos said, “you yourself told me in the beginning of our work that we don’t release our anger towards living beings. I’m sorry, but I felt so much injustice that it was beyond me to control myself!”

“I’m not going to praise you for this,” the Teacher said, “but learn Christos that there are people that words alone do not reach. You need to act to make them understand!”

“Are you saying that I should physically attack other people when they refuse to stop harassing me?”

“It doesn’t have to be that way necessarily, but if there are no other alternatives, one must resort to violence.” Then the Teacher said, “Normally, when somebody wrongs us, Plan A would be to use a confronting I-message. If that doesn’t work, then with Plan B we should take harder measures and apply the mirror technique. It is a form of psychological kung fu.”

“And if that doesn’t work?”

“If the psychological kung fu doesn’t work, then Plan C is that we take drastic action, meaning we call the authorities, or if that doesn’t work, we find something that will really shake the offender up and strike where it hurts. Then, if that also doesn’t work we can try to find ourselves a solution, as for example to avoid the person that offends us and exclude him/her from our social circle. Finally, if all the above don’t work and especially if we are physically threatened and there is no other way out, it is then that we resort to physical kung fu.”

“In my case, did I follow the right methodology?” asked Christos.

“Well, let’s see,” the Teacher said, “you did try a confronting I-message when you told him how you feel when you are forced to get up so he can talk with his girlfriend. You did contact the authorities, your parents in that case, and it also didn’t work.”

“I didn’t apply the mirror technique. . .”

“You didn’t Christos, however on this scenario you couldn’t.”

“Why not?”

“What Michalis did to you was forbidding the use of the computer at the time you wanted to. Doing the mirror to him would mean that you also forbad him from sitting on the computer at the same time. But he did that to you first so you would have to find something else to forbid him from. And so, for an opportunity to arise might have taken some time.”

“And time is what I don’t have!” Christos said.

“Exactly!” the Teacher said.

“What really makes me sad though is that we did find a viable solution, the laptop, and I the last moment blew it!”

“Indeed,” the Teacher said, “however, you must not judge yourself Christos. What your brother did is called slander. It is a form of injustice and the immediate consequence of injustice is violence. Kind of what happened when you snapped.” The Teacher went on, “Research has shown that the more unjust a society is, the more violent its citizens become.”

“And how is injustice measured?” Christos asked.

“That is a good question,” the Teacher said. “Well, the criterion for how unjust a society is, roughly said, how much gap exists between the lowest and highest wage within that society.”

“I see,” Christos said, “so when there is a big gap between the wages, the people who are poorer feel wronged and they become violent!”

“Exactly!” the Teacher said. “However, the rich become violent as well, because having a lot of money and power, they can violate the laws easier.”

The Teacher finally said, “So there you had it! Your lesson in sociology!”

“Indeed,” Christos said. “Returning to psychology, why do you think Michalis didn’t complain to our parents this time?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” the Teacher said. “He knew he was wrong, and you put him in his place.” The Teacher then signed. “However, from what it seems, Michalis looks as if he will do almost anything to retain his position as a first born!”

“Is there a difference between the first born and the second born child?” asked Christos.

“Of course there is!” the Teacher said, “the first child has the throne of the firstborn! It came in the family first!”

“And the second?”

“The second child, if it comes within three and a half years after the firstborn, it claims the throne with its abilities and achievements. Then the first child becomes threatened and where it thought it would have its parents’ love forever, suddenly a competitor appears that claims also love!”

“Is this 'game of dethronement' always being played in families?”

“Yes, it always does, but if the parents get along well, then their children also get along well. It that case, usually the second born sets its older sibling as a good role model and wants to look like it.” Then the Teacher said, “If now the parents have a toxic relationship, things like what happened between you and your brother occur, and sometimes even worse!”

“Is it possible for the second child to dethrone the first?”

“Yes!” the Teacher said. “Sometimes, the second child is so capable that surpasses the firstborn on skills/traits that are considered important to the family. Then the first child usually turns to becoming an artist.” Then he concluded, “That is what brother essentially fears, his dethronement by you!”

“Has that happened?” asked Christos hoping that he would find satisfaction from Teachers words.

“No, because Michalis has literally grabbed himself from the throne and doesn’t let go! He has taken your parents by his side and they consider you to be the black sheep!”

In the end, Christos didn’t find the satisfaction he wanted, but at least Teacher's words showed the truth. The truth allowed Christos to see things as they really were, without anger. “All these things he does to me, to be a good boy to my parents, even the fact that he slanders me, he does them because he wants their love?” Christos asked later.

“Yes, that's how it is. However, don’t worry, deep down parents appreciate disobedient children, like you!”

“They don’t have a very nice way to show their appreciation!” Christos said and finally, felt some satisfaction.

“That’s true. . . but they are your parents; what can you do?” the Teacher laughed. “So, from now on, you can ignore Michalis, he will soon find a place to stay and will leave you alone.”

“Good, so now I will go to announce to my mother that I bought a laptop!” Christos said. “Even though she might already know from Michalis!”

“Yes, tell her the good news!” said the Teacher cheerily.

He returned to his flat and Michalis wasn’t there, he must have gone out, maybe to the drug store to treat his eye, maybe somewhere else.

Christos immediately called his mother to tell her that he bought a laptop, and to see her reaction to it after he told her the reason he bought it. He believed that she would understand.

However, instead of showing understanding, she very sternly told him that it was a bad move on his part to buy the laptop and that he had to inform them first. She stressed that they had no money.

“You’re lying!” Christos shouted. “You have money!”

“We don’t have money!” Iulia insisted, “here, take your father that wants to speak to you as well!”

Iulia gave the phone to Petros to speak.

“You didn’t do well buying a new computer without letting us know!” Petros said with a threat in his voice.

“I don’t understand, how is it possible to give me money as a present in the Easter and then tell me that you are broke? One doesn’t fit with the other!”

“We have money,” Petros admitted, “but they are for an emergency, and therefore, they are holy!”

“And isn’t it now an emergency?” asked Christos enraged.

No answer came from the phone and then Christos realized that Petros meant his or Iulia's emergency.

“As a punishment for what you did,” Petros finally replied, “you will give the money from the gift back!”

“But I can barely get through the month!” Christos complained, “I won’t even have even fifty euros for twenty five days!”

“It’s okay, you will learn that way!” Petros said. “You will learn that we give you money because we want to and not because you think they belong to you!”

The phone hang up abruptly and Christos looked at the clock on the wall. Time seemed to pass extremely fast.

“What a mess!” he shouted. “What a mess! What am I going to do now?”

He sat working with his thesis, feeling pressurized and full of anger and guilt, along with a forgotten emotion that reminded him the resignation he felt before he started working with the Teacher.