The Archivist’s All-knowing Almanac
Book by: JanKarlsson
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when the world's foremost mage, anpound pudbatter (fresh from a magical accident that had turned him back into a teenager with all the associated raging hormones) meets gammer goodhiding, the world's most polite, yet indefinably terrifying witch, and bindi, a druid who almost has a filthy mouth, they come together to search for an object that could very well spell the end of the world as they know it. or change it in ways they cannot imagine.
from the intermittently high mount pintel, to the vast, unending library, to the indeterminately located city of lost vagueness, where hope, and coin, go to wallow in despair, to the world's most important, prominent, and tiniest city, the three of them must follow the magical chaos wrought by the presence of the book. and with warlords bent on conquest, thieves out for a quick score and a djinn with a mischievous attention to detail in the way, things may not go quite according to plan.
and what, exactly, is the origin of the book? only the archivist's all-knowing almanac knows for sure.
a love-letter to the works of terry pratchett and douglas adams.
[cover created in canva, using an ai generated image and text from logokit]
Table of Contents
1
Once upon a time (though time, in this instance, is completely irrelevant), a great, great philosopher once wrote, “Space is big.”. T... Read Chapter
2
Anpound Pudbatter groaned as the nurse swished open the curtains in his room with undisguised venom, allowing sunlight, that Anpound did ... Read Chapter
3
There are many stories upon this world, this odd little (not so little) world that floats through space proving that impossibility is jus... Read Chapter
4
of travelling through the world, unknown by the general populace.
Magical ways not seen on almost any other world. Not exactly unique, ... Read Chapter
5
She was very pretty. Cuff of her rough, woollen robe covered in the innards of a melon notwithstanding. And the errant twigs and flowers ... Read Chapter
6
Light-Fingered Lehny ran for his life. For Lehny, this was an integral and essential part of his job at the best of times. Today, however... Read Chapter
7
The djinn of Godworld, states the Archivist’s All-knowing Almanac (proving once and for all that it does, indeed, know everything, beca... Read Chapter
8
Bindi stared at Light-Fingered Lehny as he talked, wondering whether he practiced the idiocy he displayed or whether it was only a matter... Read Chapter
9
Yagnur the Currently Un-appellated rode like the magnificent beast of a warlord that he was, slapping his sword against the polearm stave... Read Chapter
10
Altogether, Feather Bluntneedle had quite enjoyed the trip through what the book called ‘The Shadow Paths’. Not so much the screaming... Read Chapter
11
Meanwhile, thousands of miles Footward and slightly Sinister, a man made his way, with great care and attention to his surroundings, down... Read Chapter
12
Anpound had tried to get out but whenever he moved, the thing that had encircled itself around him surrounded him even more. It wasn’t ... Read Chapter
13
Bindi didn’t like the way Gammer Goodhiding watched her. She had thought of the old witch as only some quaint, silly old woman but the ... Read Chapter
14
Anpound was getting nowhere with Behrill. She seemed utterly impervious to his many and varied charms. She didn’t take kindly to his pa... Read Chapter
15
Wheefle Scarfknotter had debts. An alarmingly large number of debts and an equally alarming lack of desire to have his fingers, arms and ... Read Chapter
16
Upon the snow-clad slopes of Mount Snuffler, winds coursing around him so fast and so furious that the monk considered that they were a f... Read Chapter
17
Bindi didn’t like it. That was, perhaps, not quite specific enough because, should she deign to admit it, which she did, often, she did... Read Chapter
18
Phlip Slantwater had far too much on his plate than to worry about the sudden increase in discontent surrounding the number of executions... Read Chapter
19
The Archivist’s All-knowing Almanac has much to say about gambling. It can tell you the best places in the world to test your luck agai... Read Chapter
20
If Anpound didn’t need Yagnur the Bluntly Dismissive for this most delicate of operations, he would have left the blowhard, and exceedi... Read Chapter
21
The djinn played with the existential potentialities of reality. Worlds lived. Worlds died. Nothing would be the same again. Countless ci... Read Chapter
22
Bindi didn’t know why she was still here. The shockwaves that had coursed through the magical community, caused by the arrival of the A... Read Chapter
23
is one of the most powerful, and least understood, forces in all of creation. Coincidence drives the burgeoning of life. It brings togeth... Read Chapter
24
Anpound wasn’t expecting this but, to be fair, he hadn’t expected much of anything. If he had learned anything in his life (and he ha... Read Chapter
25
According to the Archivist’s All-knowing Almanac, there are many worlds. Not only worlds as you would normally know, or define, them, b... Read Chapter
26
Gammer Goodhiding didn’t need a book with an over-inflated ego to tell her anything about imps. She knew everything she needed to about... Read Chapter
27
Before Anpound could take the book to Yagnur the Imminently Mollified, he had to examine it to within an inch of its proverbial life. He ... Read Chapter
28
Gammer Goodhiding had that look about her that, on the face of things, wasn’t that different to how she normally looked but, underneath... Read Chapter
29
The Black Blade of Krughnagar, the Archivist’s All-knowing Almanac will elucidate later, when things have settled down a bit, was born ... Read Chapter
30
For the tiniest, almost imperceptible, fraction of the merest thought of a moment, Gammer Goodhiding staggered. It didn’t last long and... Read Chapter
31
The ancient and proud city of Llunduhn boasts the largest standing army, per capita, in the entire world, states the Archivist’s All-kn... Read Chapter
32
Castle Bonestorm was now little more than a shadow of its former glory. The remaining towers, once resplendent and observable from miles ... Read Chapter
33
The djinn wasn’t a monster. Well, strictly speaking, in the limited perspective and language and pure definition of such things for mos... Read Chapter
34
“This is a treasured Battle Book of the Biblionian people. No Biblionian general would dare face battle without a full collection at ha... Read Chapter
35
Nothing and no-one could stop Gammer Goodhiding as she strode through the rather quaint little palace. And they tried. Oh, they tried!
... Read Chapter
36
Anpound felt it. The primal knowledge that someone, somewhere, had just ripped the magical defences of the Imperial Palace a proverbial n... Read Chapter
37
Captain Frillilee Phontasgoo had had to diligently, reluctantly forego his post-bathing pampering regime. Missed was the scented oils, th... Read Chapter
38
Silence infused the air. It clutched at throats, especially Anpound’s and, if his collar wasn’t typically loose as any good old-man-t... Read Chapter
39
Bindi, not one to follow the crowd even if they were going in the same direction, followed everyone as they cast their eyes down to the f... Read Chapter
40 - Epilogues
Ilbnot Lunklake stared at the book upon the table, but couldn’t think of a thing to say. He raised a finger, lowered it, started to say... Read Chapter
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