Not Just Another Christmas

She was the kind of woman everyone felt close too, but few really knew at all. Scarlett stepped out into the cool, crisp, Christmas, tainted air. “What will today bring?” As she thought about it, the words seemed almost audible. She was going with her adult children to her boyfriend's parent's house. They would celebrate this holiday with Justin's father, brothers, and their significant others.

Scarlett had been dating Justin for over two years and had met his family and fallen in love with them fairly early on. They were all so intellectual, artistic, approachable, articulate, and unique. She looked forward to holiday gathering with them all. Scarlett thought with special fondness of Elizabeth. Elizabeth was married to Justin's brother, Jim. Scarlett had always admired her pose,  sophistication, coupled with wittiness, and a no nonsense attitude. Elizabeth was a straight  shooter, much like herself, and Scarlett admired that. “Today should be fun," she said to her children as they got in the car. Her son, Christopher,  leaned the driver's seat back and made adjustments to the mirrors to accommodate his 6 '4 frame, while her daughter, Kat, sat quietly in the backseat holding the banana pudding and letting out an involuntary sigh.

As they drove through several rural towns, Scarlett found herself lost in her thoughts, barely noticing the Cigarettes After Sex,  song Kat was streaming through the car radio. Christmases past flowing through her mind in vivid pictures like the lyrics of a song. Scarlett sat in silence.

Times with family, when her mother and sister were still alive, sometimes fabulous, sometimes terrifying, all past now. In her family, Scarlett never knew what she was walking into, so often times, she chose to keep herself and her children, away from the violence and toxicity that she was around daily growing up. “I miss you so much mom.” Scarlett thought as silent tears flowed down her cheeks. She had few regrets in her life, and though she had been correct in doing so, especially apparent with the death of her sister, Scarlett still wished she could have spent more time with her mom.

“That son of a bitch," killed us all slowly, she thought. He drained the life and vitality out of us all through the years, with every punch, broken nose, kick, or belt mark. Her step-dad was a cruel man with a body built for abusing and degrading women and children. Years of hell she had ran from, but never truly escaped, held forever in Scarlett’s most hidden thoughts. That monster, he killed us all slowly, her mother, her sisters, and even herself, in spirit. This past year, he had done so much more.

 Her sister, Summer’s death had hit her hard. Scarlett continued to sit silent as the trio headed toward Justin's. She hoped Christopher and Kat didn't notice. Scarlett often tried to shelter them from things in life, to protect them, even from her pain. “I will get answers, Summer.” She whispered, as if expecting a response, one that never came. 

Her throat clenched tight at the thought of celebrating tomorrow with her remaining sister, nieces, nephews, children, and brother in law, and Justin without her mom and Summer, in the wake of all that had been said and done. “That son of a bitch, is still stealing life and joy even from prison.” Her anger rising, the tears ceased and she began to sing along with the radio to camouflage her humanity.

The car came to a stop in Justin's yard. He steps out  and begins heading toward the car, all smiles with a pot of green beans in hand.  Scarlett smiles without realizing it. The past few years had not always been rosy with them. They had both lost alot, but somehow it was Christmas again and here they were together. 

People felt one of two ways about Scarlett and Justin as a couple, either they said things like, “perfect,” or  “you two are so much alike,” or they tried to bad mouth or sabotage the connection, out of jealousy. Some tried simply because they wanted the pair to be miserable and empty too. Some of the attempts had made Scarlett question whether or not it was worth it amidst supposed friends' constant interference and manipulation. Thus, the saying,”Misery loves company,” she thought.

“So high schoolish. It's sad grown people act that way.” She wished they would get a life and stop trying to take hers.

Justin tended to choose what he acknowledged where so called friends were concerned. Scarlett did not know what the future held. She knew she loved him, so much, but she was not going to overlook certain behaviors, and make excuses for certain people, the way women in his past had. “What he does is on him.” she thought.  “Time will tell. You can never control what others say or do, but I can control what I accept.” She knew herself all too well. Scarlett had never been afraid to be alone.

Justin got in the backseat of the car and placed the pot of green beans in his lap. “Hey there.” He said Scarlett looked at him in the rear view mirror as his eyes sparkled with delight and his smile widened, “How's everybody doing today?” In a unisom, monotone voice,  Kat and Christopher mutter an unenthusiastic,  “fine.”   Justin looks a little disappointed, “Oh, that good, eh?” he says a little too sarcastically to miss. Snapping simultaneously out of the gloom and deep thoughts, they all look at each other and laugh. Then, back out of the driveway and head to the festivities, uncertain, but hopeful as to what the day shall bring.