Chapter 25: Part 25 - Thursday, part 1

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Part 25 - Thursday, part 1

I didn’t go into school on Thursday. Anna was home too. She mostly stayed in her room. I’m sure she knew it was me who took her pill. I had to get to the bottom of how I’d done this to her - if I’d even done this to her. But I had to get to the bottom of something else first.

I got Bobby’s Insta account easily enough. I needed to talk to him; needed to fix my failed attempt to thank him for coming to help me in science class; needed to find out what exactly he was talking about when he said those things about what I go through every day. But I wanted him to have the chance to tell me how he felt too. I’d pushed him away before he’d had the chance to tell me whatever it was he was trying to tell me. That was unfair. After everything he’d done for me, the least I could do for him was hear him out. But he was at school and his time to chat was limited. I knew I had to get his attention. And there was one thing that would do that more than anything else.

I was wearing my Harvard University white t-shirt (God, I wanna go there one day - just to visit, not to study). I paired it with my red tartan skirt and a pair of earrings Anna had given me when I came out. They were simple silver hoops with a single zirconia stud in each one. Someone bought then for her, only she didn’t want them, so she regifted them to me. I was still a Robyn Small Breast, but an impeccably dressed one.

I wore the necklace on the outside of my t-shirt. If we’re being honest, I hadn’t taken it off since Bobby gave it to me. It would have felt, I don’t know, kind of like a betrayal. I tilted my head upwards, framed my phone on the bottom of my chin, showing off my neck and the necklace, then smiled and snapped the pic. I thought for a second about pouting, but I didn’t want to send the wrong signals (I still wasn’t sure what the right signals even were). Then I typed the text (Wanna chat?) and sent the picture directly to Bobby as a DM. I felt certain he’d respond to that. How could he not?

I checked the time a lot in the next fifteen minutes. I’d timed it so the message would go through at the start of recess. He’d have plenty of time to see it. But when 11 o’clock rolled around, even I had to give it up as a bad job and go take care of the other thing that I needed to do today.

I knocked on Anna’s door, careful not to spill the cup of tea in my hand. I’m a coffee drinker, but my mom and my grampa both drink tea (cos he’s British and why ruin a perfectly good stereotype). Anna doesn’t really drink hot drinks at all, but when she used to get really bad periods, I noticed she preferred the soothing flavor of tea to the harsh wake-up call of coffee. She said that tea was better for warming her hands on too.

“It’s just me,” I said, pushing the door open a crack, but waiting to be invited fully in.

“Who else would it be?!” Anna asked harshly.

“I made you tea,” I replied, and pushed the mug through the door.

“Come inside,” she sighed. I could feel her rolling her eyes.

“Thanks,” she said as she took the mug off me. Then, casting her eyes up and down my outfit, she commented, “You look nice.”

“Thanks,” I replied.

“Dressing up for anyone in particular?” she asked as she blew on the tea to cool it.

“May-be,” I said, rolling my head and curtseying a little in a show of mock-evasiveness.

“Is it a boy?” she asked, raising an inquisitive eyebrow (I always wanted to learn how to do that).

“Maybe,” I replied, a little more seriously.

“Well you should stay away from them, Ella,” she warned. “They’re nothing but trouble.”

I remembered the valentine’s cards and the Microgestin (still euw that she needed that). Had there been a guy in her life? Had he gone away somewhere? I still couldn’t piece it all together.

“Are you okay, Anna? I asked, sitting unbidden at the end of the bed.

“I’ll get through,” she replied, recalling what I’d said to her the morning after my big fight with dad.

“You haven’t had a really bad one for a while,” I said, trying to draw her out.

“Ella!” she replied, sharply, then caught herself. “Some things are private, sis,” she said in smoother tones.

“Is there anything I can do?” I asked.

“Yeah. You can leave me alone.”

She wasn’t sniping. I recognize her sniping voice. But she was clearly already in one kind of pain. She didn’t need another kind that only a nosy sibling can bring.

“Okay,” I said, rising. My face had fallen. She had every right to be angry at me, but I couldn’t help but feel like I’d extended the olive branch and she’d just chopped down the whole tree at the root.

“El! Wait!” she said, picking up on my demeanor. “You can bring me another cup of tea,” she added, smiling.

“Okay,” I said, my face inflating again with purpose and pride.

“In about an hour or two!” she called after me as I headed out the door.

I still hadn’t gotten to the bottom of what was up with her, but at least I didn’t think she was mad at me for it.

It was around that time that I got the notification ping from my laptop.

Direct message. Instagram.

Bobby Brandon?

I headed into my own room to pick it up.

bob_baller_69: wdyw?

hellaella: to clear the air

bob_baller_69: got kinda thick, huh?

I wondered what he meant for a moment, then he clarified.

bob_baller_69: the air.

hellaella: thats my fault

hellaella: i—

bob_baller_69: go on gurl, you got this

hellaella: i wanted to talk about what u said

hellaella: about what I ’go through’

bob_baller_69: right

hellaella: what did you mean?

bob_baller_69: well your situation. cos your transgender. right?

My stomach started to fall away. It took the rest of me with it on some horrible, delayed plunge into the dark, unseen abyss beneath me. Gravity tearing at me; fear giving birth to panic giving way to rising terror.

He knew!

I always kind of assumed he did. But there’s a difference between assumption and knowing. Now I knew. And that thought filled me with fright.

hellaella: how did you know?

bob_baller_69: I got a cousin whose trans. Their always telling me how hard it is to get recognized. And now this ban on blockers got her crying every night.

Kind. Sensitive. Knows about trans-issues.

hellaella: please don’t tell anyone at school.

bob_baller_69: dw gurl id never out u. Or deadname u like that teacher did. Ur ella.

hellaella: so you’re okay with it? with me being trans?

I don’t even know why I asked that. I’ve never needed validation for my identity. Never needed someone else to make me feel as though I had the right to exist. To be me.

But the second I’d gotten that pendant, I felt something. It was hard to put into words. It was like all the bad in life was suddenly a little bit better; like my bag of rocks just got a whole lot lighter.

bob_baller_69: ofc. I like it. I like you.

Wait. As in like-like? I started to feel warm around the face.

hellaella: Y— you do?

bob_baller_69: mhm. I wanna be ur friend ella. I care about you and what happens to you.

I wanted to remind Bobby that he barely knew me. But I was worried I might be pushing him away again. He seemed so nice. And the things he was saying made me feel so good. Like butterflies were dancing across my skin.

hellaella: i wanna be ur friend too

bob_baller_69: ????

hellaella: ????????

bob_baller_69: ????

hellaella: hehehe ????

bob_baller_69: Can I see you later?

hellaella: today?

bob_baller_69: yeah

I thought about Bobby cycling over after school. About me inviting him into the house for a lemonade. About him brushing my hair aside and kissing me on the lips.

Where had that come from?!

hellaella: okay

bob_baller_69: ????

Submitted: January 17, 2025

Young Adult teen drama ya lgbtq trans