Chapter 26: Part 26 - Thursday, part 2

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Part 26 — Thursday, part 2

Conversations feel different online from face to face. There’s less nervousness for one. More time to think about your responses for two. And everything feels a lot less pressured, mainly cos you can put your phone down, switch your laptop off, or just block and ignore the other person. But I didn’t want to ignore Bobby Brandon. I wanted him to see me.

But as soon as I got off the chat with him, I felt this pang of what I can only describe as guilt. A sharp, stabbing pain through my heart accompanied by this low, wrenching feeling in my gut. My shoulders felt tense, my whole body on edge.

What about Jessie?

She had only just told me about her feelings for me, feelings that I’d maybe thought about possibly having (maybe) myself at one point. And now I was what? Arranging a date with the biggest player in the school?

No. It wasn’t a date. It was a conversation. Face to face. At my house. Just the two of—-

Oh, who was I kidding. It was a date. Or at least a pre-date. The date that comes before the real date to see if the real date is worth having.

I stood in front of the mirror, pressed my top flat against my body. Brushed my tartan skirt down with my hands. Adjusted my binder.

Should I maybe—? Should I pad my binder, like Jessie had suggested?

No. That would be even more of a betrayal. Not to mention weird. And what would I even pad it with?

Oh get a grip, Ella! It’s only Bobby Brandon. The sweetest piece of heartbreak in the school. I sat down at the end of my bed and waited.

I’m one of those people who likes to run conversations through in my head fully before I have them. I kind of clam up around some people. Especially boys. Especially after those two boys who held me while Leierna did what she did to me. Especially after Rafa Couzins. This time would be different. I knew it would. Bobby knew me. Knew who I was. No more pretending around Bobby. No more lies. No more rocks in my bag. No more—

My laptop pinged again on the bed. A message. It was Jessie!

Jessie_Bestie: heya. Are you free? I need to talk to you.

Guilt started to pool in my stomach again, pulling me down. Did she know? About Bobby? How could she know? But what if she did? Was that what she wanted to ‘talk to me’ about? I picked up the phone and typed.

hellaella: hiiiiee. What’s up, gurl?? ??

Jessie_Bestie: Ms Pike just got through with my parents. She came to my house!

hellaella: she came to your WHAT?!

Jessie_Bestie: she was downstairs for like 20 minutes with them. Talking.

My chest felt tight; my heart was pounding.

I got part way through typing ‘Talking about what?’ when the three dots started jumping up and down again.

Jessie_Bestie: she was talking about you, Ella. I—

Jessie_Bestie: I think she told them! About your transition!!

My whole body was on fire. My lips were dry, my arms felt numb.

Jessie_Bestie: hello?

Jessie_Bestie: are you there?

I was paralyzed. It was like my laptop was this thing in my hand and I couldn’t quite grip it, couldn’t quite place my shaking fingers on the keys to type.

Jessie_Bestie: hello?

hellaella: I’m still here. I—

hellaella: idk what to say. I—

hellaella: what did they say? your parents?

Jessie_Bestie: idk yet. They were pretty quiet. They let her talk a while.

hellaella: did you hear *anything*?

I was frantic.

Jessie_Bestie: All I heard them talking about was the sleepover. I think they’re gonna cancel!

hellaella: No! Don’t let them do that! You should have your party. Don’t let them use me as an excuse to cancel.

Jessie_Bestie: I can hear my mom on the stairs. Igtg

She dropped off the chat.

This was insane! What was Ms Pike even doing going to their house. She was suspended from school. For grabbing me and shoving Jessie. Granted, only one of those things had actually happened, and the other one had been fairly exaggerated. But she’d still overstepped the mark of what a teacher is allowed to do. She’d still put her hands on me physically.

But if she’d told them, they were bound to tell the other parents. And all it took was one, one parent to tell their own kid (which they clearly would), and my secret would be all over everyone’s socials before my mom even got home from work. I picked up my laptop and began scrolling furiously through my friends’ Insta-feeds.

There was nothing. Of course there wasn’t. Everyone was still at school. I didn’t know if I could take sitting and stewing for the next five hours. I kept looking at Jessie’s account, praying for her to come online. When, after about 20 minutes, she still hadn’t, I did the only thing I could think of. I messaged Bobby.

hellaella: hiya bobby. smth has happened and I really need a friend rn.

He got back to me almost immediately.

bob_baller_69: I’m coming rn

I didn’t think about it at the time, about how he’d cut class and risked detention (or worse) to come see me. About how he’d put himself in harm’s way for me again and hadn’t asked for anything in return (at least not yet, anyway). All I could think about was how I needed to talk to someone, someone who wasn’t mad at me, or on the end of a phone somewhere, or at work. Someone who knew about my situation. Someone who could hold me and tell me everything was going to be all right.

“That’s awful, Ella,” Bobby said, placing a reassuring arm on my shoulder. He’d cycled straight over and was still wearing his uniform. It took him 12 minutes flat. I couldn’t do it that fast in a car. We were sitting in the kitchen, each cradling cans of soda in our hands. It was when he made contact with my shoulder that the tears began to flow.

“But it’s not out yet,” he said, flipping out through his phone and scrolling through his feeds.

“I just don’t know what to do…” I cried.

He came over to me, put down his soda, and wrapped me up in his big arms. It felt so nice. Being hugged by a big, strong guy like Bobby. I felt so safe. Like I could handle anything with him by my side.

I hugged him back. We rocked back and forth for a little and then he let me go and sat down again on the kitchen stool opposite me.

“I’ll tell you one thing you should not do,” he said, swigging from his soda. “You should not waste any more of your tears on that stupid phys ed teacher.”

I laughed involuntarily and then sniffled a little, wiping my face on the back of my hand.

“This is my biggest secret, Bobby,” I replied. “I don’t think I’m ready for it to come out to everyone. I’m not ready to come out to everyone. I’m not strong enough for that.”

“You're stronger than you think,” he replied, leaning over again and placing a reassuring hand on the back of mine.

It was then that I heard footsteps on the stairs. Bobby sat up, immediately.

“Are your folks home?” he asked, suddenly growing nervous.

“It’s just my sister Anna,” I replied.

“I thought we were al—” he began, but he didn’t get the time to finish that thought. As he was speaking, Anna came into the kitchen asked,

“Who you talking to, El—?”

She stopped.

She stared at Bobby.

Then at me.

“What are you doing here?” she asked Bobby.

That was when I saw it. A flash of recognition between the two of them. That barely concealed moment of panic when you realize you’re caught in something that’s out of your control. Then the second realization that now it’s too late to cover it up.

“Wait, you two know each other?” I asked. Then quickly followed it up with, “How can you two possibly know each other?”

Only silence replied.

Submitted: January 17, 2025

Young Adult teen drama ya lgbtq trans