Love and Watery Goodbyes

We were on fire;
Burning bright,
Flames seen a mile away,
Fuel was always easy to find.

Until it wasn't;
Once the fuel was hard to find,
We were only sparks.
We were sparks that were closing in.

I loved him;
He was the warmth of the fire,
He was the main attraction, the most extensive flame,
Until he wasn't.

I hate him;
He was the water,
Putting the fire out.
He is the Amazon Forest, wet and cold.

I'm in the middle about him;
I miss the warmth,
I also miss how large of a flame I was,
That was only with him. He ruined who I was for his amusement.

I thought I was what made him change;
Then, I did my research,
It wasn't entirely his fault,
His parents fucked him over from the start. 

I cry when I think about it;
I cry when I remember I'm the reason we don't talk anymore,
But I guess that's less painful than just being friends.
Nothing feels right without him.

He was a horrible boyfriend;
But he also gave me comfort,
He's like a drug,
The less you use it, the more you think about it.

I am an addict;
Only the drug is a person,
He's my addiction,
I ran out, and it was too expensive.

I hate myself sometimes;
I still remember his weirdest hobby,
I still remember his parents' birthdays,
But I forgot what his voice sounds like.

I love myself sometimes;
I got myself out of it,
I used his manipulation tactics against him,
But I still wish he would randomly text me. I know that won't happen. I left. I hold no purpose to him anymore.