Ice Against My Solid Heart

Ice Against My Solid Heart - Self Elegy

Last summer, 2023, I was having a breakdown outside, at midnight and was shoeless. The ground was muddy and I sat, hardly able to see my screen while pumping out poems on a damp brick wall. The next day, I came back to my notes app and couldn't decide what to name it until randomly, Ice Against My Solid Heart popped into my head and it made me giggle. It's cringy, it's angsty, it's perfect for a poem about a meltdown. Dramatic imagery is beautiful and it makes me smile. I had lost three friends in one day, for separate reasons, all revolving around my mental capacity. Autistic meltdowns are built to have zero clarity and emotions are at full swing and turned to 104%. I was perfectly fine the next morning because going outside and sobbing was emotionally regulating. 

I am perpetually inspired by the works of the ill. We have a way of abrasively embracing one another.

Theme: It’s hard to be somebody in this world when you are predisposed to trauma.

It is developed through the use of hyperbole, irony, and simile. “Bear feet” is intentional, portraying me as a monster. I use more imagery to picture it as a beast, very hyperbolic and ironic. I show irony with my use of “pack,” symbolizing the people I chose to associate myself with, also as monsters. It demonstrates bad decision making, loneliness, and tells a story about expectations, expecting monsters not to maul.