Is it really what I think?

Maybe it will be the first entry of the new year 2025. Isn't it amazing? Another year has started and it's sad and calming. Sad because the life is nearing it's end and calming because I am not dead yet atleast. Life will move on despite everything that happens to me. Whether I stumble down or get lost, life will not care a bit. It will go on and on. I will be left behind watching life go by and eventually a day will come when I will lose the right to even watch life as it moves on. I will fall into an eternal sleep. I hope, atleast that sleep will be peaceful!

It's amazing that I was born, is what the world told me. Life is a blessing, they say. A blessing which I did not ask for and a blessing which sometimes feels like a burden. A burden that is too heavy to carry. But still It is a burden most people keep on carrying. People live and then die. Thousands and thousands lived before me and died and I am no different. And it will keep happening. And the silver lining in all this is that one day the world will perish itself. Maybe that will be my revenge! Maybe death is the price we have to pay for living. But it's cruel to leave life behind when one gets it's taste even for once. Not all people see the good side of life! Maybe for them death is the real gift!

Life is a game which everyone is forced to enter. And what's interesting is that the rules are different for each player. Some get additional boosts even before they start play. Ain't that lucky? And some people are born with damaged weapons. Maybe that's why some poeple decide to forfiet the game! After 18 years I am sure that People are only equal in death! 

We are animals, they say. Now that's an insult to animals! We , humans, are no less of monsters. Each and every one of us is a deep well whose depth I am unable to fathom. We are concious beings, they say. And thats conciousness is not cheap. Due to that wicked conciousness, good and evil exist. Guilt, shame and even pride exists because conciousness exists.Although sometimes I wonder whether animals feels these stupid things.Nothing but you are stupid! 

Artificial, a word that strikes a chord whenever I hear it. What is natural? Am I not artificial? Cut me some slack! Really I always admire an intelligent and introspective person but such person will never stop asking such questions. Most of what they do on daily basis is just questioning. Dont they have something useful to do. Go find something which will benefit humanity.

I think therefore I am, they say. And what good does it do? First no one understands what it even means and if they even somehow understand, they are just going to end up questioning their own existence afterwards and I am sure that's the last thing someone shoud do.Am I even exist? Am I not just an imagination? Am i not just a simulation? 

Truth is valueable, they say. And sometimes not foolishly trying to uncover the truth is the best choice.And it's not something to take lightly. In my life I never met someone who wants to know the truth. Everyone just wants their problems solved even if it demands lying to other or remaining ignorant of truth.. People just want to live their lives. They work, reproduce, loaf around and die and that's it. It's their happiness so why ruin it by telling them that they are not doing it because they want to do it rather it's the environment thats is forcing them to do it without them realizing that. Why tell them that they are slaves of stimuli and responses? Why ? Why? Give me one valid reaosn for destroying their happiness. It is interesting what else! I would not want to know that. Whats the point? It negates people. It negates "me" " I"  "You".

I think that's enough rambling for today. If I keep on doing that I will soon become an old man who is sitting on the sidelines of life watching all these people going about their lives, laughing and crying, and then smiling on the basurdity of all this. It will be like nagting all the work people do in their lives. And never ever negate someone's work unless you want them as enemy! I am an old man through and through. I am just so cold inside. I don't have any fire in me. Sorry Iqbal, I am unable to stirr that storm inside me. I am afraid of fire maybe! I am afraid of being consumed! I am a liar!