Failures and setbacks

I have changed. I have lost the confidence I had in myself. And it is costing me a lot psychologically. I used to do things for the sake of myself and my excitement only. Yeah, I had to do somethings according to my parents' orders but how I did them was up to me. And I was also pretty good at forgetting the setbacks once I learnt the lesson. I did not use to drag them with me like I do now. Failures, setbacks, they have a purpose. Once you figure out why you failed last time, that failure or setback has served its purpose so throw it away. Don't be a fool to keep pitying yourself because of that setback.

Whenever you face a failure you have to detach yourself emotionally from that failure because cursing yourself over that failure is just a waste of time. Look for the reason you failed. Was it your lack of preparation? Was it stress? Or was it something you had no control over? If it was lack of preparation, then complete your preparation for next time without leaving any gaps. If it was due to stress then before whatever you are going to do, evaluate what can you lose? What can you gain? If the loss you incur is not that big even when you don't gain anything, your stress is unjustified. If the loss you incur is pretty big then you have two options; First evaluate the probability of success. Best way to do that is to simulate the thing you will be doing before hand. Like if you are going to take a test, first take 5 mock tests and average out your results. Then if you think you can do that then go for it but if you don't get satisfying results in mock tests then I will advise you to not take the risk and solidify your preparation.

Most people feel stress because they think people will consider them incompetent. I that is also the case with you then simply remember the fact that these people are out for only themselves too. They are just as incompetent as you. What they think about you is not going to affect your life in anyway. Most of them you will never even see again in your life. So, why do you care about what they think about you. They criticise you so learn from it. Use them as feedback tools. They are just NPCs.

If you hate yourself sometimes, you have a right to do so. But remember only you and you alone can hate yourself. Don't ever give the right to affect you to someone else and try to change what you hate about yourself. 

I also advise that you try to justify your self hate first. If you think your self hatred is founded on sound reasons then go on and hate yourself until you change what you hate!

And if the self hatred does not have any ground then Hurrah! you can focus on other usefuk things. Remember you are biased so you should use objective things to judge your abilities. And use the same to measure how much better you have become since your first failure. And yeah, let your family and close friends criticise you. It is beneficial!

At last, I will say only one thing, Cut yourself some slack too. You are the only one on your side!