Incandescent

Incandescent

 the other night when I almost fell off the ship

you had an anxiety attack because you thought I was dead

my phone exploded and you couldn't reach me

you were waiting outside my house at 3am

standing there arms crossed with grease on your face

you had that tongue between your teeth smile that I love

“what the hell happened?” you said

I grabbed your waist, kissed your lips and lifted you up

you held on tightly to my shoulders

your hair was wet and smelled like rain

I didn’t tell you what I was thinking

you might be the prettiest girl in L.A.

everything was a mix of grey and black

the fog was thick and it was freezing cold

refinery lights dimly shone through the night

I could feel every imperfection in your bones

“I wasn’t going to die without seeing you one last time”

I wiped away the tears from your face

you buried your head into my chest

it reminded me of something from long ago

but instead of a white hoodie and worn-out goodwill jeans

 you were in your dirty work clothes

we turned our backs to the starless sky

two dreary ghosts that had come back to life

you showed me your cheerleading videos from high school

and I played you songs from my band when I was a kid

it’s been years since I let anyone hear that noise

 you listened closely and wrote out all the lyrics 

I like when you slide those little notes into my car

or when you get fed up and ask Leo if he’s secretly gay

how we talk on the phone until the sun comes up

and how you cried to Nightingale when I took you to see Saves The Day

you say that I have a beautiful heart 

I tell you it’s like a horse on fire

it bends and breaks and gets carried away

selfish, reckless, chaotic and wild

but these are the lives we were born into

broken homes, faulty memories and dirty slip on shoes

standing on the wet grass of your mothers front lawn

questioning me about the next few months 

I don’t say what’s really on my mind

hockey games and our trip to Florida…

angry at the way my mind works

my darling, I think I’ve had enough

you say we have the same disorder

let's leave it all out here on the waterfront

take my hand and walk with me

through the town and streets we can’t escape

where fire burns a silhouette of the skyline 

 maybe the past can finally fade

in this parking lot, I’m asking you now

“girl, are you in or are you out?” 

 sometimes love erodes like shorelines

"will you hold on through the ups and downs?"

you smiled wide and we got back into the car

hand in hand the darkness of the road feels fine

moving closer towards a fate unknown 

the city lights blur as we fly past the county line