"The Fear in love" by 2007PrettyTeenager.org

“The Fear in love”

I understand that I'm young and haven’t met as many love interests as a 30 yr old but why must everything be so drab about love. Why does it have to be so saddening? I’m not one of those people who watch one movie and think, “I wish they made love like that again.” . There's no point in giving into the idea of a childlike man who has commitment issues and a woman who grew up with terrible people around her falling in love and finding a sense of belonging. But I understand why people would want to be known and alike in this world. But why must falling in love lead to suffering? Why do we have to protect ourselves from vulnerability? Why can’t I give in to the idea of falling madly in love without others telling me I have so much to live for? I’ve been in love before. Teenage love may be different but the feeling of wanting to discover another person's soul isn’t. I don’t want to be taught lessons. I don’t want to suffer. I don’t want to leave this earth without a person growing by my side. Someone who willingly drowned themselves in order to know me and love me. I want to grow. I want to blossom into dozens of flowers intertwined with each other. That one person who just grows alongside me. Their interests, their hobbies, their friends, their education,etc. I want someone who will grow and pour into me at the same time. I want to pour into them as they sprout and spread just as they want to. Why are people afraid of the idea of equally giving to each other? Why do we have to talk to multiple people at once until we find someone who meets our needs? What does sex have to do with meeting people and enjoying their company? It’s almost as if no one just wants to be friends and enjoy each other's company without knowing them intimately. You don’t need to end up with several experiences when you could have memories instead. And since love is treated like an ocean, complex and with no end, then how come we never just accept the idea of committing to someone and heartbreak? We can deal with so much as humans but our emotions are never one of the tasks. I believe that we fear the action of love because we can not handle what it does to us. The blinding to certain actions, the arguments, the days where you don’t feel good because you can’t see one another, the days where their presence is needed but they are nowhere to be found. We fear the idea of loving completely without doubt. We fear how our actions will look if something goes wrong. We fear the embarrassment and ridicule that we’ll face from others after everything is said and done. I also want to make clear that I am not saying to love without boundaries but to love without regret, to love the connections you make and not the ideas that they give you. I want people to know that it needs to be reciprocal, appreciated, and invested in. Not left behind and forgotten within the words of independence. Love has lost its meaning dwindled with lies, regret, loneliness and not  knowing what you want. We say “I love you” to anyone and everything with no meaning behind it. Sure we care, but would we sacrifice the things we thought were ok for another? Would we give into the idea of having them around forever? Most would disagree. Most would give up nothing and keep this idea that everything they do affects no one. Most would get scared at the idea of giving in. Most would leave and never look back. What type of relationship involves keeping bad habits in the name of independence!? Platonic, familial, or romantic should change you into something you actually want to be. It should allow you to grow and achieve things that you thought you weren’t good enough for. It should give you hope and a want for change. Not force you into a house with no windows. You should be able to see what's going on and see the brightness ahead, not look at the wallpaper and paint a new sun. Love was never as complex as we made it out to be. Sure there are layers but there were never as many names as we gave it. “Obsession”, “Talking Stage”, “Hook-up”, “FWB”, “Jealousy”, “Fine shyt”, etc. These names are fine but when blended into the idea that this is what love should be, or what love is, it turns south. People complain and wish to die and lose their mind all because of a person that only wanted to hook-up and hangout. We blame our attachment and loneliness on the fact that no one knows how to properly love when in actuality we never have. The same people who complain about love not being the same were the ones complaining that they couldn’t find anyone to love them back in the 90’s, the 80’s, the 70’s, the 60’s. Love was always seen as too difficult, not enough, or just something to settle for when you’re old and grey. I understand that no one wants to settle and live the life that older generations have but how will we end that cycle if we keep blurring the lines of love and what it should be? Commitment is scary and so is change but wanting something good should never be scary. You shouldn’t be afraid to dive in and experience what you’ve always wanted. Why ask for it then never accept it?