Chapter 8: Chapter Eight

The next morning, Feyvara wakes up early to the sound of birds chirping. She stretches and steps out of the tent, feeling the dew-kissed grass beneath her bare feet. The sight of Sir Caius, already awake and preparing breakfast, sends a jolt of excitement through her. She decides to help him, and as they work side by side, their hands brush against each other more than once. They place the cauldron and start another fire to cook the chicken macaroni soup.
As they stir the pot and wait for the soup to heat, Feyvara can't help but steal a glance from Sir Caius. He smiles back, and they both share an awkwardly long stare at each other.
They finish cooking, and as they sit to eat, the tension between them is felt around the atmosphere. The guards and Imelda seem to sense it and give them a knowing smile. They talk of the adventures that await them in the woods, but Feyvara's mind is elsewhere.
After breakfast, they set out to explore further into the Whispering Woods. The sun filters through the leaves, casting a dappled glow on the forest floor. They come across yet another clearing where the wildflowers bloom in a riot of colors.
"Look at that," Feyvara says, her eyes wide with wonder. "It's like a painter's canvas."
Sir Caius looks at her, his eyes softening. "Oh you, you have a way of seeing beauty in everything, even in the smallest details."
She turns her gaze away, instead paying attention to the trees that surround them. 
"Why, Princess Feyvara, is something the matter?"
"Fey," Feyvara answers, turning back to him. "Just call me Fey."
"Oh, alright... Fey, madam-”
“Could you just… stay behind, please?” she says, turning away again.
Sir Caius looks at her in silence. “I can, Fey,” he says with a nod, and takes a few steps back. “How much distance do you need?”
“A lot of them. Please.” She still refuses to see him.
“Alright. I’ll just have the guards keep an eye on you, is that good?”
No answer.
“I’ll take that as a yes, Fey?”
“Yes, please,” she finally answers with a sigh.
Silence between the two envelops them as Feyvara finds somewhere in the woods to sit. She sighs again, and closes her eyes, wondering, where did she go so wrong?
This is wrong, she thinks. This is so wrong. I can’t have feelings for him, can I? He- he’s just a friend. I can’t risk our friendship ruining what we have.
She looks down on the ground, focusing on the fine grains on the path, hoping that’ll be enough to distract her. But the feelings keep coming back.
Shut up, brain! I’m trying to focus here.
Feyvara takes another deep breath, and decides to walk back to the main campsite. She tries to avoid Sir Caius, but it's impossible. Everywhere she turns, she sees him, whether it's his strong shoulders, his handsome profile, or his gentle smile. She feels a strange heaviness in her chest, a nagging feeling that just won’t let go.
The day drags on with her trying to keep her distance from him. She pretends to be engrossed in the flora and fauna of the woods, asking the guards questions about the trees and animals they come across. Sir Caius, however, is not fooled. He watches her from afar, a furrow in his brow. He's noticed the change in her demeanor and wonders if he said or did something to upset her. He wonders why she’s being so distant when they were so happy yesterday.
That night, she remains in her tent, reading a book with the campfire’s low light when she hears footsteps approaching.
“Feyvara, please, talk to me,” Sir Caius says. “Why have you been ignoring me?”
Feyvara flips a page of her book and continues reading.
“I don’t get paid enough for this…” he grumbles. “Look. If you need space, that’s fine. But won’t you at least tell me what’s going on?”
Feyvara puts her book down and stands, facing him sternly.
“Fine. You want to hear the truth: here’s the deal. I think I’m falling in love with you. I know it’s wrong, I know it’s against the rules but I just don’t get it anymore! You see, everytime I go through something bad, you’re always there for me. You were there when I was struggling at my school, when I got cheated on by my ex-husband, and here you are now. I’ve always considered you as a friend, as family, but you know, it’s just different now!”
“Feyvara… I’m just doing my job-”
“You’re always doing your job!” she lashes out, sobbing.
He shudders, wanting to comfort her, to console her. But he can’t. And it pains him to see her like this.
“You know we can’t act on these feelings,” he says quietly. “You’ll just hurt yourself.”
She doesn’t reply back.
“And plus, don’t you think it’s a little too soon?” Sir Caius continues. “I know you’re hurting, those feelings are valid, but just… think it for a moment, please. You’re needing someone who can comfort you. And I can be that guy, just not… in that way. You’ve just broken up with him for two days. Are you really sure you’re ready for another commitment? And while I do understand you’re confiding with me because of the missing piece of your heart, Feyvara, use your head. You need to be more rational about this.”
She continues standing there, not uttering a word, tears clouding her vision.
“I’m sorry, Feyvara,” he says, before leaving.
It was rather hard for Feyvara to sleep that night, Sir Caius’ words constantly repeating in her mind and keeping her awake. She could only focus on the glow of the moon, the twinkling stars, and the strong feeling that she would like to cut short her trip and go home, away from everything and everyone.
Later that morning, she tells the driver of the carriage to bring them home immediately. Hesitatingly, he nods and gestures the rest to pack their bags.
Feyvara still doesn’t give her attention to Sir Caius, keeping her thoughts to herself on her way home. She meekly greets her parents before heading straight to her chambers, crying yet again.

Later on, Princess Feyvara is drunkenly drinking at the kitchen counter, pouring herself a goblet of grape juice. Her mother walks in, surprised to find her in this state.
"Fey, what's wrong?" Queen Maeve asks with concern.
Feyvara turns to her, eyes red from crying. "I-I don't know, Mum," she says, her voice trembling. "Everything just feels so complicated."
The queen takes a seat beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "What happened in the woods?" she asks gently.
Feyvara takes a deep breath and tells her mother about everything. “Mum… I think I’m starting to have feelings for Sir Caius. Like… he’s been there for me, he’s taught me everything I know, he… he was there when we were all camping together, he even taught me how to cook besides the royal schooling…” she trails off in tears.
Her mother listens, her expression a mix of understanding and sadness. "Oh, my dear," she says. "Falling in love is never easy, especially when it's with someone you shouldn't."
"But he's always been there for me," Feyvara protests. "He's the only one who truly understands me!”
"I know," Queen Maeve says. "But Feyvara, listen. Your father and I will find you someone-”
“I don’t want any prince, Mother, I want him!”
Shocked, she stays in place as Feyvara stands from her seat and struts out the door, preparing herself to confront Sir Caius in his office. She finds him poring over scrolls, looking tired and concerned.
"I need to talk to you," she says, her voice firm.
He looks up, setting aside his work. "Of course, your Highness."
"You can't just ignore me," she says, her eyes flashing. "You can't tell me to think and then leave me hanging."
"Feyvara," he says, his voice gentle, "I care for you deeply, but we have our duties. And we can't let our feelings cloud our judgment."
"But what if our feelings are telling us the truth?" she asks, stepping closer to him. "What if this is what we're supposed to be?"
Sir Caius sighs, his eyes never leaving hers. "We can't risk it," he says. "Our places in this world are set, and crossing those lines can only lead to heartache and pain for us both."
“And you don’t want to risk it?” she says. “All those books I’ve read, all those romance poetries I’ve studied, all of them had to do with taking risks! Heck, even a simple peasant from the kingdom of Endar had to get a job from the kingdom of Sandaria just to feed her family! Stakes have been fought over, traditions have been challenged. How could we be any different? But you, you’re weak! You’re a coward! Unlike me, you’re afraid to show the world how someone means to you!”
He stands up abruptly. “I chose this job because of you, Feyvara. I did not mind whether you’re a rambunctious princess who knows manners but refuses to do them, who answers her own parents because why? I loved you, Feyvara, and because I loved you I chose not to risk our status and reputations! But it seems that you’re far too selfish to realize all of that, are you? Guess what, princess, real life doesn’t work that way. Those books are nothing more than fiction. So I’ll stay here while you know your place.”
Feyvara feels her heart shatter into a million pieces. "Fine," she says, her voice barely above a whisper. "If that's what you think, then I'll just have to live with it."
"I know it's hard," he says, taking a step toward her. "But I'm here for you, as a friend, as your mentor, as your adviser."
"I don't want you as just a friend," she says, her voice breaking. "I want more."
He reaches out to comfort her, but she pulls away, walking steps away from him.
With that, Feyvara returns to her chambers, opening the windows to see the night sky.
“To the moon and stars in the sky,” she begins, closing her eyes, clasping her hands together, “I wish for strength and guidance to help me be fulfilled in life. I’m tired of this prison, of not being able to love because of status and being different. I wish I could be normal, to…”
And there, she finds an idea.
“I hope what decision I’ll be making tonight, I won’t regret tomorrow,” she finishes.
She then gets up and heads to her parents' bedroom, knocking on the door.
Her parents, half-asleep, wake up to see their daughter standing in the doorway, her eyes determined. "Feyvara, what is it?" the king asks, sitting up in bed.
"I wish to revoke my throne," she says, her voice steady. "It's the only way I think I could get to be with Sir Caius. I'm willing to take the risk."
The room goes still, the only sound the soft rustling of the curtains in the night breeze.
"What are you saying?" the queen asks, her voice filled with disbelief.
"I know it's a lot to ask," Feyvara says, her voice trembling. "But I can't live like this anymore. I need to be with him."
The king and queen exchange a look, their expressions a mix of shock and concern.
"Feyvara," the king says finally, "you are our daughter and our heir. Your place is here, by our side, ruling Evelonia."
"But what if I don't want that place anymore?" she asks, her voice pleading. "What if I want a different kind of life?"
The queen takes a deep breath, her eyes filled with understanding. "We'll talk about this in the morning," she says. "For now, get some rest."
Feyvara nods and heads back to her room, her mind racing with thoughts and emotions. She knows that what she's asking for is not easy, but she can't ignore the pull she feels towards Sir Caius.
As she climbs into bed, she whispers to the ceiling, "I'll find a way to be with you, no matter what."
The next day, Feyvara meets with her parents in the throne room. "I'm serious," she says. "I need to revoke my throne, my title, my crown, everything if it means I can get to be with Sir Caius!"
The king and queen look at each other, their expressions unreadable. "You understand the implications of such an act?" the king asks.
"I do," she says firmly. "I'm willing to face them."
The room is filled with a heavy silence as they consider her words.
Finally, the queen speaks up. "We need some time to think," she says. "This is not a decision to be made lightly."
Feyvara nods, feeling hope for the first time in days. "Thank you," she says. "I'll wait for your answer."
The days that follow are filled with tension. Feyvara goes through the motions of her royal duties, but her heart isn't in it. She finds solace in the library, surrounded by the stories of those who had taken their own destinies into their hands, wishing she could be like them.
One evening, as she's lost in thought, Sir Caius approaches her. "Your Highness," he says, his voice formal.
Feyvara looks up, her heart racing. "What is it?"
He takes a deep breath. "I need to speak with you. Alone."
They move to a quiet corner of the library, and he looks at her with a serious expression. "Feyvara," he says, "I know you're in pain. But you can't just throw away your future because of me."
“Like I said, I’m willing to take that risk. Just please…” Feyvara trails off.
“Please what? Run away from duties and responsibilities because of a mere infatuation?” Sir Caius’ voice tightens. “You know what foolishness you’re doing, right, Feyvara? You need to think of the kingdom that needs you. Your parents need you. I-I… I don’t want you to lose all that.”
“And all of that but I don’t get to be happy?” Feyvara snaps back. “I’ve done my part. I’ve studied and finished. I’ve married a man whom I’ve tried to love but he never loved me back. He loved the attention.”
“So you’re giving up because of that?” Sir Caius asks.
“No, it’s not like that!”
“Then what is?” he says, now looking more annoyed than concerned. “Come on, tell me.”
“I found the man I want in you, Sir Caius. You’re selfless, smart, patient, kind… you’re a type of prince any princess would fall in love with. You’re more than a rank, a status, a means to an end to keep the kingdom happy. Unlike the rest of us, you’re human.” Feyvara smiles softly, although her eyes look sad.
Finally, Sir Caius sighs. "Feyvara, you're not thinking clearly."
"I've never been more clear-headed in my life," she says. "I love you, Caius. And I know you love me too."
He looks away, unable to meet her gaze. "We can't," he whispers. "It's not our destiny."
“What does that mean?” she says sternly. “That you don’t feel the same way for me?”
Sir Caius meets her gaze.
“Then say it! Say that you don’t love me and are seeing someone else! Is that it? Is that why you can’t feel the same way?!” she yells.
Without warning, he grabs her by the shoulders and pulls her into a fierce kiss.
Feyvara is shocked, her body frozen in place. His kiss is not gentle or loving; it's filled with anger and frustration. But as she feels his warmth and passion, she can't help but kiss him back, hoping that this is the moment where everything changes.
Sir Caius breaks away, his eyes blazing. "Why do you make this so hard for me?" he demands. "Can't you see that I'm trying to protect you from yourself?"
Feyvara's heart races in her chest as she stares up at him, her eyes searching his for any sign of love. "What do you mean?" she asks, her voice shaking.
He sighs, releasing her and running a hand through his hair. "You're a princess, Feyvara. You have responsibilities, a duty to your kingdom. I'm just a royal adviser. We come from different worlds."
"But love doesn't care about that!" she argues. "Love is not about titles or duty, it's about how you feel!"
"You're right," he says, his voice heavy. "But love isn't always enough." He turns away, his shoulders slumped in defeat.
Feyvara feels a coldness spread through her, the reality of his words sinking in. She had hoped that their shared moments in the Whispering Woods had meant something more, that they could overcome the boundaries of their stations. But as she watches him walk away, she realizes that she can't force him to feel what he doesn't. She sighs, wiping away a tear.