Apocalyptic Dating

Apocalyptic Dating

To state the obvious, Apocalypses can be tough,

But if you’re single and looking, it’s particularly rough. 

The dating pool is small and rapidly dying,

I’d say I’m optimistic, but I would be lying.

True love is elusive, I’ve hired a drone.

I’m so tired of looking, maybe I shud just  die alone.

And then one day I saw her, actually while carcass hunting, 

She wasn’t beautiful per se, but at least she wasn’t grunting. 

With my arms raised , I rushed to her side.

“I’m the one  you seek”, I announced with  pride. 

She was unimpressed. “That’s not the way to ask me out”

What I thought was in the bag, was now in doubt. 

“Dear Madam,  I’m all for tradition & courting”

“But literally right behind you are corpses exploding”

Pickup lines are hard, when you’re being shot at,

“Do you hunt here often” would probably fall flat. 

She said, “Why don’t you ask me out on a proper date?”. 

“Or a drink in that bar that opens late?” 

“All these sound amazing”, I smiled and said.

“But their water supply is contaminated with radioactive lead”

“Excuses excuses”, she rolled her eyes,

“If you really covet me, you’d plan a surprise” 

“Nothing fancy or expensive, I’m a simple girl,

Just something magical, to make me twirl”

“Of course my dear”, I accepted in resignation. 

“Only the best first date for us”, even in this situation.

“Tomorrow at 7, I’ll give you a shout”. 

“Wear your radioactive shield, we’ll take the scenic route”. 

We walked and talked, like things were normal,

Everything was on fire, but we kept it formal.

“You’ll like this place”, I said with a smile.

“Good” she said. “It’s fucking been a while”. 

Across the bridge and into a new dominion,

Stood my fave coffee shop ,destroyed to near oblivion.

It wasn’t fancy, though the entrance was gated, 

It was self service now since the staff incinerated. 

“I’m unimpressed” she said, “this not what I expected”,

“Everything here is dead or infected”. 

She commandeered a jet ski and left with a roar,

“I hear there’s another bachelor in the country next door”

And that was that, the end of my first date.

Forever Single in the apocalypse, was that  my fate? 

But I gathered myself, as my broken heart swirled.

“It’s just one date in the apocalypse , not the end of the world”.