Before You Let Go

Reads: 1654 | Likes: 1 | Shelves: 0 | Comments: 40

I got the idea from a poem called "my luv is like a red red rose" or something like that. I'm only thirteen years old so the poem may be kind of unadvanced.

My love is like an ocean wave

As it goes furthur by

It creates another, my dear,

But it shall never dry.

My love is like an hour glass

Which flips over before it ends

And as the grains go by, one by one,

I cherish thee holding my hands.

And as you hold my hands, my love,

Our destenies intertwine.

And I will always find you dear,

Even if I were stuck in the deepest mine.

Before you let go, my love,

Know this one last thing

That I will always remember you dear,

Everytime my eyes blink.

Submitted: June 09, 2011

Romance love romance

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Comments

Darkie

U r very good at writing poems ^_^
Goog luck good job and keep it up ^_^

Fri, June 10th, 2011 1:20pm

Author
Reply

thnx. i appreciate that

Fri, June 10th, 2011 2:37pm

siirdarkmaz

thnx darkie.

Fri, June 10th, 2011 2:06pm

Frank Ramtahal

A very emotional poem with great flow. Rather than having one stanza, it would have be better if you divide into four stanzas. I like the message of the poem and the physical appearance.

Thu, July 14th, 2011 11:27am

Author
Reply

thnx :D

Thu, July 14th, 2011 4:31am

pastelroses

I really like this! I like your emotion and descriptive language!

Thu, July 14th, 2011 10:54pm

Author
Reply

thnx :D

Fri, July 15th, 2011 3:05am

Aatifah

awwww i like this, very cute in a childish first-love kinda way :)

Fri, July 15th, 2011 7:09pm

Author
Reply

true. it was my first try on writing so it's bad.

Sat, July 16th, 2011 5:45am

ShieldofWolf

Good job on this, a couple suggestions? Uhm the line even if I were stuck in the deepest mine" loses it's flow, maybe consider rerwording it? "even were I stuck in the deepest darkest mine" adds a little bit of an image, and keeps the flow going. The last line doesn't work, it's like you just let your hard work go because you had to finish it quickly. The rhyme isn't present at the end. After reading some of your other work I know for sure that you can keep what you worked hard to write good. It is very good, just take the time to go back over it and fine tune until you feel it is perfect. Because then it will be. Good job. :)

Fri, July 15th, 2011 7:15pm

Author
Reply

thnx for the tip. it was my first try on writing something so it's not really good. i'll see what i can do :D

Sat, July 16th, 2011 5:43am

Danuja

A couple spelling mistakes, but wonderful overall! XD

Sun, July 17th, 2011 8:15am

Author
Reply

thnx :)

Sun, July 17th, 2011 2:33am

neena731

I really like this. Who says 13 year olds can't write. I think you and I are great examples. Im 14 now almost 15 but Ive been writing since I was 12. Your very good and Will only improve over time. I know I did!!:)

Mon, July 18th, 2011 9:42pm

Author
Reply

awsome. thnx. I'll check out your poems. :D

Tue, July 19th, 2011 12:01am

saoirse989

i love the repetition with 'my love' and 'my dear'. It's a really cute poem great job =)

Wed, July 20th, 2011 4:50pm

Author
Reply

hahaha thnx :D that was my first try at poetry so it may seem a little but weird but who cares? anyways thnx again

Wed, July 20th, 2011 12:53pm

Zin Dar

This is good.
I would honestly not say great, but good.
You may have noticed yourself that the flow of words in the first four lines is very good.
This is because the syllable pattern is 8 - 6 - 8 - 6.
Think about it, maybe try experimenting with syllables and you will find that words flow excellently when reading the poems.
Still, this is good work ^^

Wed, July 20th, 2011 6:22pm

Author
Reply

thnx :D im not really fond of this one but i appreciate a good. i myself wouldn't give it higher. thnx anyways :D

Wed, July 20th, 2011 12:56pm

wildspiritontheloose

This poem flows well for the most part, but if you read it out loud you see that some of the lines seem to have too many syllables in them. Not to be picky or anything, it doesn't really stand out, but I'm just one of those people that picks up on those little things = ) Keep writing, your poems are really good!

Thu, July 21st, 2011 3:35am

Author
Reply

thnx for the tip. it was my first try on poetry so it's not good. thnx for telling me about the syllable thingy. i'll use it :D

Thu, July 21st, 2011 12:43am

Lincarsou

It definitely not spam when you put reading requests on my page, especially with a poem as well written as this :)

Thu, July 21st, 2011 9:52am

Author
Reply

haha thnx a lot :D

Thu, July 21st, 2011 3:09am

Kenedi

Great job! This poem is beautifully written

Thu, July 21st, 2011 1:38pm

Author
Reply

thnx a lot:D

Thu, July 21st, 2011 6:45am

arun

Great job! Nicely talented for a 13yr old. My mom said I'd been naive when I was 13, but you're mature and great. Keep writing... (Destinies is misspelt)
Kmu misspelt)
Kmu

Thu, July 21st, 2011 8:25pm

Author
Reply

haha thnx :D well that's what i thought at the beginning but booksie changed my life. I'll correct destinies and sure i'll keep you updated :D thnx again

Thu, July 21st, 2011 1:35pm

Manda Pinto

GREAT! Again! God dang it! Second time saying this: JEALOUS. So damn jealous. Anyways.... You must keep me updated whenever you put up a new poem :)
You want the truth..?? I've never seen a guy right such an amazing love poem. Truth be told... I've never met a guy who can even right a poem without something nasty in it.. BUT YOU! You, my dear, are great. And you should not stop writing :) EVER.

Thu, July 21st, 2011 10:52pm

Author
Reply

thank you soo soo soo much. you have no idea what that means to me or how thankful i am. i'll keep you updated. thnx again and i'm glad you enjoyed it.

Fri, July 22nd, 2011 2:16am

aria aiedail

I find your style quite appealing, especially since you use thee and dear and words like that. Makes you seem older, and in my opinion more refined.

Fri, July 22nd, 2011 9:42pm

Author
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thnx a million :D

Sat, July 23rd, 2011 2:13am