Easy Elimination of Stupid People

Poem by: Elton Camp

Reads: 689 | Likes: 0 | Shelves: 0 | Comments: 5

Just abolish product warnings and let the problem sort itself out

Easy Elimination of Stupid People

By Elton Camp

(Note: All these are paraphrases of actual product warnings)

For meeting this goal, the best way to go about

Just remove warning labels, let it sort itself out

From the stupid, what could we expect

If these actual dangers they didn’t detect

The bottle of Windex wisely does advise

“Do not spray this product into your eyes”

Lack of this warning would give a thrill:

“Don’t use this rotary tool as a dental drill”

To admonish, Liquid Plummer does choose

“This bottle to store beverages don’t reuse”

On a bottle filled with hair dye:

“As ice cream topping, don’t try”

Zantac 75 urges users make no mistake:

“If allergic to zantac, do not take”

Bic lighter says safety please embrace:

“Always ignite lighter away from face”

So that earplug users may have no gripe:

Breathing hampered if caught in windpipe”

Cautions the mattress on which you wallow:

“Warning: Do not attempt to swallow”

The pepper spray most sagely does advise:

“Caution, never spray into your own eyes”

On the automobile windshield shade:

“To drive with this in place is forbade”

Perhaps elsewhere such things are not said

All of these, in the USA, have been read

With the subject, I am not through

Keep on the watch for the write of part two

Submitted: August 07, 2013

Humor people product stupid warnings elimination

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Comments

LifeThroughALens

This made me smile - aside from being funny (and - sadly - true) it's also really well-written and it flows nicely. None of the lines seem out of place or have awkward phrasing, and I look forward to part two.

Wed, August 7th, 2013 6:12pm

Author
Reply

Thanks, I never cease to be astonished at the warning labels placed on products. I have a long list of them from which to choose for part two. elton

Wed, August 7th, 2013 11:27am

garrycroft

Good poetry and a humorous perspective.

Wed, August 7th, 2013 8:10pm

Author
Reply

I've found a bunch of those warnings--far too many for one poem. For example, on a Superman costume for kids is the notice: "Warning. Wearing uniform does not enable to child to fly."

Wed, August 7th, 2013 3:13pm

Patri Poe

Are you suggesting I get rid of my Liquid Plumber/water bottle? LOL. I love ridiculous warning labels and I loved this poem - can't wait for part two :)

Sun, August 11th, 2013 1:45am

Author
Reply

Parts two and three are ready. I'll have to make sure I posted them here. Thanks for reading. Elton

Sun, August 11th, 2013 3:36am

Emmett Cohl

You do realize that these warnings have to be instated on products after more than three people have done that, right? This always makes me wonder why they would do that, and why you have to tell them not to do it again. Like, seriously? I think that as technology grows stronger, our society grows more stupid.
~Emily

Mon, August 12th, 2013 2:20pm

Author
Reply

I am guessing that each of such warnings can be traced to lawsuits brought by consumers. But if somebody buys a sack of nails and swallows them because there is no warning not to, I don't think they are entitled to get a judgment against the nail company! People are supposed to have a basic level of good sense. Elton

Mon, August 12th, 2013 8:30am

Sarah Olympia

Can you believe the screwball warnings out there? What a great poem, so clever and funny! If the warning is there, someone has done it-and that is SAD! Keep Writing!

Fri, October 11th, 2013 1:41am

Author
Reply

You are right. Each of those nutty warnings are there because somebody did that very thing. Thanks for reading and for your comment. This one has been up for some time, so thanks for finding it. Elton

Thu, October 10th, 2013 6:55pm