Granny Gotcha

In the depths of this wilderness forest, and a days walk from the settlement of Mudpack, lived an elderly woman; she was known by the locals as Granny Gotcha.

Just down the hill and around the bin from Granny's cabin is a river. And during the spring thaw and into early summer, that river cannot be crossed without a boat of some kind.

You would be hard-pressed to find any hikers carrying watercraft in that hilly and tree-laden forest, so Granny saw an opportunity.

Granny is an agile and enterprising woman, so she supplements her living expenses by ferrying travelers across the river.

***

As we start this story, Granny is sitting on her cabin's porch and three men approach. The youngest man asks, “Are you Granny Gotcha?"

The old woman removed the pipe from her lips and replied, "That, I am."

"I understand that you have a way to get folks across the river," said the oldest man of the three.

Granny replied as she gave them a smile, "That I do, and the fee is ten dollars a head. But you are in luck because you have three in your party.”

"How is that lucky?" The younger man asked.

Still smiling, Granny stated, "Today is Buy Two and get One Free Day, so you only pay 20 bucks, but that is today only, it's a slow-day special."

At that point, the older man chuckled as he said, “I sure do like specials, but I like the free kind. There are three of us and only one of you, so I figure you will just show us the way to cross and we won’t be doing you no harm."

Granny didn't argue any. She just pointed northward towards a pathway, and then she lead them down a winding path to the river's bank.

Lying on the riverbank was some logs tied together, making a small raft.

"There's the raft," Granny said as she pointed at it, "but mind you, those are heavy currents out there so you best tie yourself to the raft with those ropes, lest you slip off the raft and be swept under the water."

"Where are the paddles?" The younger man barked.

Granny laughed and replied, "There ain’t no paddles, this river is wide and treacherous, but it ain't real deep. This here is a rope raft and those two poles that are lean-in against that Birch tree; well, you just use them to push yourself towards the other side of the river.

See this rope? It is tied to trees on each side of the river; that keeps the raft from be-in swept downstream. So all you gotta do is to get on the raft and push it with the poles; the ropes will do the rest."

So, the three men pushed the raft into the water. And when they climbed aboard they tied themselves to it with the attached ropes; just as Granny instructed.

At that point, Granny handed them the poles and they pushed off and out of the little cove that the raft was in. As they pushed away a coil of rope began unwinding from a place on shore, it was attached to the raft.

The men did pretty well until they reached the center of the river, and that is when the current caught the raft and flipped it over.

It was obvious that these three men were not the best of swimmers, not that it would have helped any. By the time the churning river got finished with those three, well, they were dead as door-nails.

Granny whistled for her best friend and companion, Bertie the Burro, and it promptly came running. Then Bertie was quickly directed to pull the raft and the trailing bodies back to shore, via the rope.

After Bertie pulled the raft to its former position on shore, and Granny directed her donkey to pull the bodies out of the water, Granny checked for vital signs; --- there were none.

At that point, Granny said a little prayer over them.

After the prayer she pulled a red handkerchief from her pocket and spread it out on the raft, then she began removing things from the dead men's pockets. Yes, everything she found, that was worth anything, was promptly placed on the handkerchief.

Well, after Granny removed what valuables the three men had on them, she untied the ropes that held them to the raft. Then she pushed each body back into the water with a pole and it wasn't long before they were swept away by the currents.

As the last body slipped out of sight, Granny sat down along the river bank and took inventory of her newly found wealth. She counted $1,682 in wet paper money, $6.12 in coins, as well as some credit cards; she promptly tossed the cards in the river.

Granny was surprised to find a money belt tied around the oldest man's waist.

In the belt's pouches were a woman's pearl pendant and an assortment of jewelry.

There were four gold pocket watches with gold chains and bobs attached.

Also, there were six diamond rings, two gold-band wedding rings, and two silver money clips with engraving on them.

Granny looked at Bertie and said, "Them three boys was low-down thieving Varmints, Bertie, and the world should say good riddance to the lot of them!

Bertie made a He-Haw sound, likely meaning that the donkey agreed.

***

So far it was a profitable day for Granny, and she thought that it couldn't get any better when she heard someone calling her name.

Bertie and Granny walked back toward the cabin until Granny could get a glimpse of who was calling.

There was a family of five at the cabin and the older man was calling out to Granny.

And when the man saw Granny, he said, "Are you Granny Gotcha?"

"Yes Sir," she replied.

"I understand that you have a way to ferry us across the river."

"That I do and the fee is ten dollars a head, but you are in luck because you have a child with you," Granny said.

"How is that lucky?" The young man asked.

So Granny replied, "Well, today is Kids Ride for Free Day, so you only pay for four, 40 bucks."

The man seemed very happy about the savings and he paid Granny the $40 upfront.

So, then, Granny led her five customers down an eastern pathway and to a cove. That is where Granny's boat house is located, and where she keeps her twin-engine power boat. --- She loves driving that thing.

05-18-2016

Note: This is a Flash Fiction titled, "Granny Gotcha", and it is the first of two stories that intertwine. The two stories can be read separately and independently. The second story is a Short Story, and it is titled, “Tying Up Loose Ends”.