"I Do Solemnly Swear..."
Short Story by: Mike Stevens
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I do solemnly swear--. Swearing creatively is an art form--not everyone's good at it. The pros know that, while it offends some people, there's also nothing like a good stream of obscenities to drive home your point. "I'm extremely upset with you, you ----." Swearing can be sexual, or it can be a-sexual. It depends on the usage. If you're upset with someone, call them your top-of-the-line swear word, and they give you their phone number, they probably didn't get the 'a-sexual' vibe you intended. Now what are you going to do, swear at them again? This may have a worse effect, them suggesting you head for a motel. A good swearing burst can be effective in treating your out-of-control ranting. How many times have you swore until your brain hurts thinking up new and exotic (not to be confused with 'erotic'!) swear words, and after a while, you realize you're not quite as upset, almost as if the process of thinking so hard, de-raged you somehow.
Going off on a blue tangent is likely to raise your blood pressure to dangerous levels, and, it also makes you realize just how stupid and deranged you look to passers-by, who see a foaming-at-the-mouth dude, who probably has rabies. Adding up the pros and cons of swearing, it's pretty much of a wash. Some good, some bad, and in the end, isn't that true of most things in life? So I'd say, "If swearing a blue streak is in your nature, swear away, if not, count to ten, and when you realize that's not going to cut it, then unleash the f-bomb monster!
Submitted: August 27, 2015
© Copyright 2025 Mike Stevens. All rights reserved.
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