Illicit things

My husband is having an affair. He’s the epitome of the word cliché: a middle-aged man, married for twenty years, unsatisfied with his aging wife; one he’d expected to remain youthful with the same slim body and tight buttocks he met her with. He lacks excitement, something new, someone who makes him forget that he is aging, as well. So, he begins an illicit tryst with a twenty-three-year-old woman, if she can be called a “woman”, I don’t believe anyone is grown before the age of thirty-five.

Richard has always been a man of very few words, in fact, it’s one of the qualities that I have always loved about him. He tells you how he feels in just a few syllables, and somehow, someway with only a single word, he can convince you. We married young, I was twenty-eight and he was thirty. We met in a coffee shop during the winter months in New York City. I was grieving the death of my father and as I sat there sipping from my pumpkin spice latte (I suppose, I am a cliché, too) This beautiful and elegant man, with such a bright smile sat before me and says: “Excuse me, I may be out of line here, but you look beautiful when you cry”.

This made me smile, in the middle of my watery and puffy eyes, I thought: this man has some nerve. But it only took that meaningless line to make me fall at his feet. I turned into everything Richard wanted as a girlfriend, as a fiancé and as a wife. Richard is a born leader, he believes he is the most rational person he knows, and I let him. I allowed Richard to be the leader of our family. I loved this man so much that despite of my parents plead not to marry a sterile man, I did, anyway. And settled for the reality that I would never be a mother. I begged Richard throughout the years to consider us adopting, however, this was never in his plans.

“It’s the just the two of us, honey”, he would constantly say, allowing his eyes, his look to do the talking for him.

I noticed him drifting away from me, it was so gradual and subtle that at first, I didn’t suspect anything was amiss. He’s always been a businessman; I’d accompany him in many trips time after time. There were the rare occasions where he thought it’d be best if I stayed home and I did. However, those “rare occasions”, became the norm. He would no longer ask me to come with him. Richard had become bitter and angry. I’d humiliated myself one too many times, parading myself in lace lingerie that he’d might find enticing. Uncomfortably laying on the sofa with a string up my crotch awaiting his arrival. “What’s all this, Connie?” he asked when he saw me, his eyes uninterested and unimpressed. He took a deep breath, he wanted me to see how tired he was, except his sigh of exhaustion wasn’t genuine. “Richard, I’m just being playful with you, honey. You used to love this”.

“I’m just tired, Connie, I am not in the mood”. But Richard’s rejection shone a light on me, something was terribly wrong. And while he showered, perhaps removing the carnal sin off his skin, washing away the evidence: I took his cellphone and searched. Richard may be a “leader”, but he was not tech savvy and he certainly assumed that I wasn’t either. Anything he lacked knowledge in, he implied that I was unaware, as well. “No, my wife knows none of that”, “My wife doesn’t do that”, “My wife is clueless”.  Except, I wasn’t, I just let him believe that, you see, Richard wanted to be Alpha and I was okay with letting him be…until…

I scrolled through the hundreds of messages between him and “Sadie”, the twenty-three-year-old with the perky breasts and firm cute little ass. The twenty-three-year-old who didn’t bore him to death. She would send him explicit photos of herself and referred to him as “hunk”.

In that instant, something inside me broke, something I know would never be repaired. I didn’t react, in fact, I let Richard believe that I knew nothing, that I was still his “clueless wife” who never questioned him. And it went on like this while I silently planned. Divorcing him was just too easy, divorcing him would be letting him win. I fucked my life up for him and watched him grow into the man he became, while I watched from the sidelines and merged into the backdrop. I was just his “supportive, clueless wife”. So, I took the last shred of dignity I had left and began to plan.  Not long after that, as I was at home wallowing in self-pity, there was a knock on the door. I questioned the presence outside, nobody visits without calling first. But much to my surprise, there was a ray of serendipity, I recognized this young woman standing by my door, an innocent almost angelic look to her. Her eyes; a mild red and watery mess.

“I’m Sadie”, she said and clears her throat. “You must be Richard’s wife”.

“I am”, I confirmed, remaining calm and yet envying her youthful looks. I wanted to punch her in the fucking face, but I hesitated, she wasn’t the enemy, she wasn’t my “rival”, and she wasn’t the person who vowed to be loyal and faithful until death do us part. She was just a twenty-three-year-old who felt special and “mature” because an older man laid eyes on her and she convinced herself that he saw something in her, something peculiar, something unique, something other than the obvious, that he just wanted to screw her brains out to prove to himself that he still got it.

“I just want to say, that I didn’t know he was married, he said he was a widower, he told me you had died of cancer not too long ago. He said that was the reason why he wasn’t quite ready to move on with me and be seen with me in public because it would be frowned upon”, Sadie pleaded fencing with her hands.

“Does he know that you know?” I asked her.

“No, he’s completely unaware, I saw your text messages on his phone yesterday. I am so sorry, I am not that type of girl”, she cried to me.
“It’s okay, just come in”. I invited her in and embraced her. She sobbed like a little girl on my shoulder, a little broken-hearted girl.

“I don’t want anything to do with him, I swear, I am done”, she raised her head and said to me.

“No, honey, you can keep him, I don’t want him anymore, either”, I told her.

A few months after that bizarre but convenient encounter, Richard came home one day and served me with divorce papers. Can you believe the audacity of this man? he cheats on me and kills me in his fucked-up web of lies and to add insult to injury, he’s leaving me?

“I’m sorry, Connie, but I am done”.

“What took you so long?” I asked him, ignoring the papers on the coffee table. My reaction confused him, his brows crunched, and he stuttered before uttering any words.

“I gave you everything, Richard, I was everything you wanted. I put my life and dreams on hold for you, to let you shine. And you go ahead and cheat on me?”

“How do you know that?”

“Richard, please, you made zero attempts at hiding it. It was easy”.

“I am sorry you found out that way, but I love her, I’m sorry for hurting you. I never asked you to leave any of that behind for me, you chose that on your own. We had a good run, but Connie, I’m not happy and I haven’t been for a long time”.

“Yes, I was wrong to leave everything for you, that’s on me. But Richard, a twenty-three-year-old?” I stared at him.

“She’s special, and I love her, and she loves me. I’m sorry, I don’t love you anymore”, he emphasized.

“You betrayed me”.

“Connie, these things happen, please don’t make things more difficult”. This is what my dearest husband said to me.

“I’ll sign the papers, Richard, but before I do, I will take everything from you”.

“I expected nothing less of you, Constanza”, he shook his head.

“I’ll hurt you just as bad”, I told him.

“Yes, good luck with that, good luck finding a man who’s enough to make me feel insecure”, he rolled his eyes and walked away.

After the divorce papers were signed, naïve Richard ran to the arms of his mistress who once assured me wanted nothing to do with him anymore, excited like a little boy on Christmas eager to play with his new toy, the new flavor of the month.

“Sadie, I am done with everything and everyone, I already made it clear to my family that there was a special woman in my life that I wish to marry. We don’t need to hide anymore, my love”, he kissed her.

“Richard, I know you lied to me. I know your wife is alive. Why would you do that to me?”

“No, Sadie…”

“Please, don’t deny it, there’s no point, I’ve known for months”. This statement left Richard just flabbergasted.

“Sadie, I’m sorry. I said that because I love you so much and I was a coward”.

“It doesn’t matter anymore; I don’t want to be with you”.

“Sadie, baby, I am divorced now, I have proof, I have the papers with me, they are signed. I did it for you, because I love you”.

“Don’t, I don’t love you. I am in love with someone else”, Sadie said.

“You what?!” he shouted, feeling like a fool, I bet.

“Who?!”

“Hello, honey”, I walked into the living room and stand beside Sadie, in my lace lingerie.

“Connie?” Richard asks bewildered.

“What’s going on?!” Richard clenched his knuckles.

“Isn’t it obvious?” I asked him. “I took everything away from you, including your mistress. I guess, I was alpha all along”.

“Goodbye, Richard”, Sadie escorts a zombie-like Richard out the door.

“This… this can’t be, you’re going to regret this, Connie”.

“These things happen, please don’t make things more difficult, honey”. I slammed the door on his face and took my twenty-three-year-old back to bed.