The Getaway Bag

Winner-Flash Fiction Summer 2019 Writing Contest Winner - Flash Fiction Summer 2019 Writing Contest

Short Story by: Archia

Reads: 8707 | Likes: 36 | Shelves: 8 | Comments: 26

Why was he carrying two bags? He shouldn’t have been, no one carried two bags.
Unless one was a bomb.

Why was he carrying two bags? He shouldn’t have been, no one carried two bags.

Unless one was a bomb.

The other was his getaway bag; a few clothes, a flashlight, some peanuts. That’s what everyone took in their getaway bag.

You follow him onto the train, eyeing his every move in case he intended on leaving the bag behind. You plan your steps, intending to swoop in, catch him before he leaves.

He’d die too at least.

You’d die.

No one would know of your last heroic deed but that’s okay, you’d know. When you were dead.

You sit in the seat behind him.

He’s fidgeting, a lot, more than any normal person would. More than anyone without a bomb would.

He pulls the bag onto the seat and you lean forward as he takes a look inside.

It’s clothes.

Your heart is beating. Is this really going to happen? You’re prepared to jump.

He takes out his phone.

This is it.

“Hi honey, how’s the labour going? That baby better not come out before I get there.”

He doesn’t have a bomb. Just a baby.

You lean back with relief.

You’re life wasn’t about to explode.

His was.

Submitted: July 11, 2019

Other train

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Comments

CM.N

What a great short story. You hoodwink us from the beginning. Your description and monologue make me feel that I was there next to you, following the suspicious guy. It is not an easy feat to do. Loved the twist at the end. Great writing and congrats on winning.

(Having a baby will explode his life for sure :). Waking up a few times at night will change his life ^_^)

Mon, October 4th, 2021 8:32am

Author
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Thank you so much, this was one of my favourite stories to write. There definitely will be an explosion

Tue, October 5th, 2021 12:38am

Hayden M Zongker

The end made me laugh. it has an interesting structure.

Sun, March 6th, 2022 11:22pm

Author
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Thank you, I'm glad it gave you a laugh at the end.

Fri, April 15th, 2022 5:00pm

CreativeMarauder

Hah! That last line, so perfect. Great twist. I think the extremely short paragraphs work well for this story.

Sun, June 5th, 2022 6:06pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much for reading.

Thu, June 9th, 2022 11:34pm

Pemguine

That was intense! I love it. I don’t think there’s any way that could be improved. Extended maybe. (Maybe you’ve already done that, I don’t know this the first one I came to) But regardless. I felt it. Hair standing up on my arm. That’s the qualifier for me. If your story/poem can do that to me, like a beautiful piece of music. You’ve got me hooked.

Thu, January 26th, 2023 9:27am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I had a 300 word limit and I think this ended up just under. I have thought about extending it, but I'm not sure if it would have the same punch to it.

Fri, January 27th, 2023 6:41pm